Thoreau!

"However mean your life is, meet it and live it: do not shun it and call it hard names. Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Things do not change, we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. God will see that you do want society"

 -- Thoreau

Untitled forever :)

{ If within the sophisticated man there is not an unsophisticated one, then he is but one of the devil's angels. As we grow old, we live more coarsely, we relax a little in our disciplines, and, to some extent, cease to obey our finest instincts. But we should be fastidious to the extreme of sanity, disregarding the gibes of those who are more unfortunate than ourselves. 

To speak impartially, the best men that I know are not serene, a world in themselves. For the most part, they dwell in forms, and flatter and study effect only more finely than the rest. 

It is for want of a man that there are so many men. }

-- Thoreau

4 months off this space. Never been away for so long. Thoreau is still keeping me busy :P And I am gradually losing interest in writing new things. I hope it will change.

2010

Earth, 6 billion km's away, snapped by Voyager I in 1990

"The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe , are challenged by this point of pale light."

-- Carl Sagan

So true. Voyager I is now 32 years old. It is estimated that it can keep communicating with Earth at least until the year 2025. Human marvels. I wish I could carry that pale-blue-dot in my backpack and travel the universe. Carl Sagan says 'the insignificance of our world in this vastness of space'.

I can think of nothing than this small quote by Sagan that best explains the momentum I would like to carry and set sail to reach unknown corners of my mind to pleasure and play with.

“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.”

Untitled

Ah.. I will begin with the lines "Eternal tussle of human heart"

Neon lights, flash bulbs, chai, cigarette, samosa

The vagaries of human emotions. Tiny chips of wood and dry leaves of yesterday fly about like angels with sparkling eyes. People say 'Crossroads of life'. A significant achievement during their brief life spent here is only stolen by nature as the embers slowly die and the dawn sits on the leftovers like vultures poking and ripping apart the dead flesh of their kind. I need to quote Thoreau here.

"I came into this world, not chiefly to make it good, but to live in it, be it good or bad"

Such randomness I seek. Words not matching and the meaning just left there to be interpreted like a tiger's mind. Spare not false assumptions, for they will guide you to correct assumptions. We believe there is a fantasy inside us that elevates our dormant mind and leaves us raw and naked surrounded by magical trees and strange waters. Our hands are equipped with sophisticated tools to cut open artificial fences and sneak into prohibited territories.

Thoreau says 'multum in parvo'. Big dreams reside in small tiny containers. Should there be a rat in my house, my gaze should not be that of trouble. Do not cross this para as the next ones are worse. Worse to the best of my knowledge. Step not into it. You may deviate or drink more whiskey just to wash away the coming words.

Moonlit verandah and a cosy chair. Every poet has a 'corner' world. My corner world is devoid of all nature's beauty. Urban living it is. I only see wallpapers or snapshots in flickr and roam into its dense rectangular space to form opinions.

"This world is a place of business. What an infinite bustle! I am awaked almost every night by the panting of the locomotive. It interrupts my dreams. There is no sabbath. It would be glorious to see mankind at leisure for once. It is nothing but work, work, work. I cannot easily buy a blank-book to write thoughts in; they are commonly ruled for dollars and cents" - Thoreau

Thoreau would have been devastated to see mankind dance like puppets to the music of war and missiles had he been alive today. Or am I being rude by describing the present circumstances as unjust? The principle point of my living is to make it better and more convenient as is the case with any person on this planet. Why do I then drift back and talk like a saint? I have to quote Einstein here: 'People who read a lot and use less brain fall into lazy habits of thinking'. Haha.. What a wonder. Cute dolphins, Money-giving-Casino's, Porno magazines, Football leagues, 3D movies. What a comfort! I will dare break my stupidity with a tinge of Thoreau's philosophical matter. "So far I am successful. But I foresee that if my wants should be much increased, the labor required to supply them would become a drudgery"

I should stop here. More assignments assigned. :)

Untitled

Who are we? Who we are
You are who, who you are

--Pearl Jam

Future Note

"I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt"

-- Before Sunrise(1995)

This moment.. right now.. A scattered thought. I may be a total loser a year or 5 years from now. But i want to look back and read this. "Do we stay together or be scattered?"

Bring out more albums Vedder! hehe.. What more can a lone wolf expect? Every puzzle is a puzzle still unsolved. Cheers :)

Wings of Mind

Such feats we have seen and wished to be in. When mind-torn, numb-legged athletes cross the 10000m finish line and realize that they don't get a medal. How little can my world be? Such little pleasures I seek, a dream within a dream, occasionally crossing the dusty border and feeling something different. Thoreau keeps my mind so flooded. Some of his finest words from 'Walden' -

"Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains. I would drink deeper; fish in the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars. I cannot count one. I know not the first letter of the alphabet. I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born. The intellect is a cleaver; it discerns and rifts its way into the secret of things. I do not wish to be any more busy with my hands than is necessary. My head is hands and feet. I feel all my best faculties concentrated in it. My instinct tells me that my head is an organ for burrowing, as some creatures use their snout and fore-paws, and with it I would mine and burrow my way through these hills"

"What is a course of history, or philosophy, or poetry, no matter how well selected, or the best society, or the most admirable routine of life, compared with the discipline of looking always at what is to be seen?"

"The indescribable innocence and beneficence of Nature,—of sun and wind and rain, of summer and winter,—such health, such cheer, they afford forever! And such sympathy have they ever with our race, that all Nature would be affected, and the sun’s brightness fade, and the winds would sigh humanely, and the clouds rain tears, and the woods shed their leaves and put on mourning in midsummer, if any man should ever for a just cause grieve. Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself?"

"I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society"

With this, Friday comes to an end. Monday soon comes, and I shall soon become a philosopher again!

I'll again say it "Love, Beauty, Madness, Fuck" :)

To steal is to love

heart unto heart
what i possess is a stolen heart
which is now a pendulum to your worries and doubts

"today will be an epic"
I murmer as the sun flirts with my eyes
each second is in a hurry
or are we really losing its charm that holds us to life?

to be into and to be itself
as art would unwind and show itself as art
as beauty would kiss beauty and say
"today will be an epic"

such careless minds have struggled
to express how love is vulnerable;
for each passing thought made its way
to letters and letters of love
that never reached the box
which the lover after a hard day
and a quiet siesta would open and read.
with such simple words written
"you are my epic"

a day is not a day anymore
to slowly weep through the hours
as one soul touched another
rushing seconds would gather inside my heart
and time pauses itself to greet
love, the greatest emotion ever known
all enchanting "this is an epic"

Untitled

Upon the clatter of a broken tile
All I had learned was at once forgotten.
Amending my nature is needless.
Pursuing the task of everyday life
I walk along the ancient path.
I am not disheartened in the mindless void.
Wheresoever I go I leave no footprint
For I am not within color or sound.
Enlightened ones everywhere have said:
"Such as this is the attainment."

Osho

Untitled again.. Maybe next time..

"Doubtless like all of us he was many men, turned on one or another of his selves as occasion required, and kept his real self a frightened secret from the world"

Will Durant

Am tired of all the fucking gossip. Let me do things. Don't fucking gossip dude.

Am a Fuckaholic, assoholic, shitoholic, "So I lay my head back down", Love, Beauty, Madness, Fuckkk.. Drunkaholic.. Shittt .. Pink Floyd-Time,Pearl Jam-Parachutes,Nusrat and Vedder - LongRoad, Beer, hard, soft, keyboard, shit, Am drunk!!!

Will Durant! Black, Sheets of empty canvas, Dream theater-Time cover, Blackfield-Someday, fucking face of the world, Taught her was everything, :) heheheheh, fuckkk.. dude am drunk..

Save me, savour me, shit that rhymes.. "What was everything", Blogger u r my fuckin friend. Twisted thoughts. thanks man.. Sunshine movie is good. danny boyle is a good director. Reignition.. .Repx file, work!!

Tattoed everything..

gnit..bye..I am drunk..but i know the font color.thts brown..

No title.. thts Untitled. Fuck it.. Its Untitled

seaside winds and desires I least thought of
art and joy, my soul where it takes me
surreal shades of objects that appear
like miracles of yesterday dim out
before the candle emanates a last breath of flame
before i could grab it and stop it
from venturing into twists and turns of
escaped thoughts which is in itself bounded
by the rules of this complex society
may those flowers pick its beauty from the sun
and dance along the slopes of the high terrain
covered by the mist of morning rain
a place we can never attach our vision to
our meek pleasures, Oh What can i say
sit on those decorated shelves of museums
where swords and scimitars lay shining

I am stuck here. Tired. No more thoughts. Enough! Cig please :)

Untitled again

Sunset shadow and Sunrise smile envy each other. Our life is like an allegory of broken phrases incomplete and feeble but suits the "quiet desperation" we live with. Our hands are cuffed and we are forced to watch our dreams collide with destiny and bounce back to reality. Who knows what dreams we hold. It is important that we publish our stories and let the dense world know that our meagre personalities have the strength to withstand angry winds and colder nights. War is a by-product of human stupidity. The sound of an incoming missile can neither distort nor rubbish the music inside your soul. This may sound like a load of crap, but I take for granted that everything is a pile of crap.

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high - piled books, in charact'ry,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And feel that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour!
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love;—then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think,
Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

John Keats

This is poetry. Beautiful as I see.

330 days without you

And now at once, adventuresome, I send
My herald thought into a wilderness:
There let its trumpet blow, and quickly dress
My uncertain path with green, that I may speed
Easily onward, thorough flowers and weed.

--John Keats--

Black coffee on the table. Geyser is on. Its 10.30 PM. He takes a hot shower and after a quick prayer retires to his bedroom for a long study of the day's events. Her picture is hung on the wall lining the table. Her messages, ring, walk and talk writ in his heart.

Poetry and letters. Every drop of ink used in history vanishes. This is one of the finest I have ever read. He picks out a sheet and writes 'Aug 8th 2009, 330 days without you'. Ahhh the world is so unfair.

distant souls unite to exchange secret messages
whispers of which travel to the horizon
and meet the fast flying birds
below is the ocean, blue and icy
so far away from the fumbles of daily dreams
carrying your love
oh lover, greet me
i kneel before silence
I have for so long wished for this moment

Untitled

I am talking about the least common denominator. A small bracket of mystery we all have in us. What is it? A warm blanket to sleep or a shot of vodka to numb our senses? With so much of dryness in me, I casually lit up a cigarette and vapour out those last thoughts of the day. My callous observations are wearing me down. Speed breakers hit me hard. My watch keeps banging the rod I am holding and soon It will stop. The tiny case breaks and I lose my energy. I have to get it nursed by a watch repairman. What time is it? Oh shit! Maybe that old man with more wrinkles than the roads in this city has a watch. Or maybe that other guy wearing a t-shirt that says 'Fcuk' has one. To my surprise, none. I reach my place. Its really silent except for a few stray dogs fighting and defending their territory.

Its 12:30AM ( I guess! ) and I feel like I am the only one awake in this wide wide mad mad world. Of those many splendid moments moving back and forth in my living memory, there lies a thought that 'shines like a crazy diamond'. I walk effortlessly and reach the corner of my street. I dare to reach my pocket, light a last one and fill the clean air with enough carbon to make Japanese innovators work harder.

The day we saw

The night we live in

A small mystery

we swallow to wet our lungs

and dry our mind

Life

I am nothing.
I will never be anything.
I cannot wish to be anything.
Bar that, I have in me all the dreams of the world.

May Nature be dissolved on my feverish head
Her sun, her rain, the wind that ruffles my hair,
And the rest, let it come if it must, it doesn't matter.

We have conquered the whole world before leaving our beds.
But we were awakened and it was opaque,
We rose and he was strange to us
We left the house and it was the whole world,
And also the Solar System, the Milky Way and the Indefinite...

Fernando Pessoa (The Tobacco Shop)

Null World

Sea, earth, air, sound, silence.
Plant, quadruped, bird,
By one music enchanted,
One deity stirred,--Each the other adorning,
Accompany still;
Night veileth the morning,
The vapor the hill.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Highway blues

Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!

- Pink floyd

Last saturday was memorable. Tripathi with his automata theory was really fun. Experiencing every state of life and leaving the rest to 'Khuda' :) Pinkfloyd and DevD ruled the night, or atleast I thought these songs were played in heavy rotation :P I was all high :) Highway ride was really cool. It was 'somewhere in the middle of nowhere'. The rain gave us the thrill. We were infact celebrating our dear friend Ramesh's b'day with him sleeping like a pig all night :)

Another usual week ahead. Really really looking forward to 'code crunching' :) Sigh!

When history was made

My hunger for knowing 'History as I never knew' will go on. How fascinating it really is. It will take me light years to understand all the elements these tiny palms hold. Hunting for food, deceiving for greed, uprooting civilizations, establishing kingdoms, letting dogs feed on the entrails of human flesh, gun powder easily injected into human system, abolishing laws, embracing swords and what not. Need I worry about them?

The incipit of the text 'Instructions of Shuruppak', a part of ancient Sumerian literature regarded as one of the oldest scriptures, reads

"In those days, in those far remote times, in those nights, in those faraway nights, in those years, in those far remote years"

'Diamond Sutra', the earliest printed book containing Buddhist verses, has these lines

Thus shall you think of this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream,

A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,

A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.

Study says, the birth of humanity took place in East Africa. People migrated and populated other continents. The first proto states emerged in Mesopotamia and along Indus river. History is magic.

When will it stop. Yesterday's, today's and tomorrow's seconds will fade away sometime. The sun is not here to stay very long. In about 5 billion years, it will turn into a very large red monster engulfing all planets leaving just dust behind. And we are in a perfect age. Facebook, Twitter, Google, Nokia, Toyota, Microwave ovens, Levi's jeans, Space shuttles, F-22 raptor, Stealth missiles, Alcohol and Poverty+Hunger+Ignorance.

It is all magic. Squeezing everything out of this vast timeline can cause mental harm. Be at peace. :)

Triumph

Sunny days are coming to an end(or atleast I suppose they are!). As much as I hate walking on damp murky road to reach office just in time, I just feel good when its raining! Glistening drops of rain take comfort on my rugged and brownish skin, and before it carries away my sweat to the ground more drops hang down my eye brows like a chain of monkeys hanging down from the branches of a tree. Wetting my hands and fingers, they run hurriedly to reach earth and be greeted by earthworms so anxiously waiting to come out.

As I read 'Life of Pi', I seem to associate every adventure and trauma so grandoisly elaborated by Yann Martel to the current events the world is witnessing. 'Air France' just falling from the sky and the ocean happily gobbling it up thus swallowing all evidence is one of the things I am following very keenly. It might be the speed sensors or radar defect or lightening breaking the plane into two chunks or as some people say 'This is called fate'. How far shall we go. How can we be sure that new technology taking birth every day can insulate us from all troubles and more importantly 'Mother nature'. I would definitely say 'When you have a match box, why use stones'. 'Cast Away', another similar reel story is coming back to me time and again.

So many things have been written and said. Opinions agreed or disagreed. Hypothesis, theorems, axioms proved or disproved. What remains to be done is not known. So we keep digging. Lets do that.

'To run away from all social connections' has become a hot topic among my friends :) Are we taking inspiration from cinematic experiences like 'Into the wild' 'Cast Away' 'Motorcycle diaries'? May be! Or is this a result of our lazy dumb asses not getting enough work? May be!Procrastination? May be! Or are we really tired of everything? May be! My temperament is fixed. No issues about that. Mal-adjusted and socially distorted mind juggling with too many puzzles and thoughts that are vaguely associated with what I do. My good friend Jose a.k.a Bobby a.k.a 911 a.k.a disaster management team head would say with quick frustration :D 'Dude, note down my new address and designation'

Super altitude Meditator
To become a modern Valmiki
Crates of Royal stag and cartons of cigarettes
Thick beard (of course!)
Atop Himalayas - ######
for the rest of my fucking life :)

I will continue to sit before this LCD - 9hrs a day - for some more time before joining him up there - if he ever goes - and attain Nirvana and Pari-Nirvana. To be drunk and sober at the same time.

More of our interesting conversations will follow. Peace be upon us who dare to think beyond skyscrapers and posh malls :)

3 Column tic-tac Blue

Yes.. a new template giving a refurbished look to my blog. With deep respect I bid goodbye to Harbour, who ruled all these years. I hope to write more frequently, because honestly I feel rejuvenated every time I open my page.

So many issues bouncing off my head right now. Salman Khan's dus ka dum :D, LTTE members arrested with cyanide capsules hung around their neck, (India,Ireland,Bangaldesh) in one group!, 'Turtles can fly' - really good movie, Yann martel in 'Life of Pi' saying Muslims are bearded Hindus & Christians are hat-wearing Muslims & Hindus are hairless Christians, Lionel Messi's header in the Champions league final (god! that was brutal), a distant friend of mine in Kerala saying 'I will stop taking drinks.. Meditation is the path for salvation (I have plans for him:P)', my spam mail offering me 'Hot comics with celebs' and finally 3 column tic tac blue:)

Evolution

Religion is a symbol to me. I think I mentioned this before. To any person questioning me about the sanctity of the world.. I say 'Go to Hell'. The quote below does not reflect my anger towards the everyday chaos nor does it force me to believe in Evolution. I have very little idea about evolution and other aspects of Darwinism, but I genuinely respect Attenborough's opinions, considering that he is a widely respected naturalist. But this definitely does put me in a position where I can frame my own opinions about our existence, which can be as simple as getting up and going to work or pondering over the consequences of our actions. Let our imaginations rule!

"My response is that when Creationists talk about God creating every individual species as a separate act, they always instance hummingbirds, or orchids, sunflowers and beautiful things. But I tend to think instead of a parasitic worm that is boring through the eye of a boy sitting on the bank of a river in West Africa, [a worm] that's going to make him blind. And [I ask them], 'Are you telling me that the God you believe in, who you also say is an all-merciful God, who cares for each one of us individually, are you saying that God created this worm that can live in no other way than in an innocent child's eyeball? Because that doesn't seem to me to coincide with a God who's full of mercy"

David Attenborough

Ahh words..

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

God Appears & God is Light
To those poor Souls who dwell in the Night,
But does a Human Form Display
To those who Dwell in Realms of day.

William Blake - Auguries of Innocence

I want to write
I want to write the songs of my people.
I want to hear them singing melodies in the dark.
I want to catch the last floating strains from their sob-torn throats. I
want to frame their dreams into words; their souls into notes. I want to
catch their sunshine laughter in a bowl;
fling dark hands to a darker sky
and fill them full of stars
then crush and mix such lights till they become
a mirrored pool of brilliance in the dawn.

Margaret Walker - I want to write

Equation of Life

An equation like this makes me crazy! Fuck that.. Life is not Calculus. Neither is it a programming language. It is not a concept to study.

Now this is cool... All time classic 'Black' by pearl jam. This is the equation of life. You are my hero.

Astronaut photography

As viewed from outer space.. City at night. Absolute bliss.. The streets of Japan(Internet umbrella's, get wet and still surf your way out.. thts Japan) use mercury-vapor lighting and the Mexican view below is due to sodium-vapor lighting. Little pearls on this much dreaded podium called Life :)

British astronomer Sir Fred Hoyle stated, "Once a photograph of the Earth, taken from outside, is available - once the sheer isolation of the Earth becomes known - a new idea as powerful as any in history will be let loose."

Sources: Astronaut Photography
Earth Observatory - Nasa

8 fragments for Kurt Cobain

(Art by Cobain: Scary but mature)

This little piece titled '8 fragments for Kurt Cobain' by Jim Caroll (The Basketball diaries) really moved me. I have always wanted to know this. In fact all rock stars who had ruined their lives by taking into drugs (It looks cool but now that they are gone I want more of them)

But Kurt...
Didn't the thought that you would never write another song
Another feverish line or riff
Make you think twice?
That's what I don't understand
Because it's kept me alive, above any wounds

he ends by saying

That is always the cost
As Frank said,
Of a young artist's remorseless passion
Which starts out as a kiss
And follows like a curse

Yeah Cobain.. cocaine I get it! Anyways he might still be entertaining God up there.. Way to go man..

______________________________________________________

Further back and forth, a wave will break on me today
And love,... Wish the world could go again with love
One can't seem to have enough
And war,... Break the sky and tell me what it's for
I'll travel there on my own
And love,... What a different life
Had I not found this love with you

Parachutes - Pearl Jam

P.S - http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/8-fragments-for-kurt-cobain/

The soggy bottom boys!

I believe in face-to-face talk, 'cause you see I am a man of deep principles. So 'uck mobiles and its by products... Who am I kidding? Its a lame excuse (I lost my cell sometime back.. :))

I celebrate by listening to The Soggy Bottom Boys.. I love this song!



I am a man of constant sorrow
I've seen trouble all my day.
I bid farewell to old Kentucky
The place where I was born and raised.
(The place where he was born and raised )

For six long years I've been in trouble
No pleasures here on earth I found
For in this world I'm bound to ramble
I have no friends to help me now.

(chorus) He has no friends to help him now

Maybe your friends think I'm just a stranger
My face you'll never see no more.
But there is one promise that is given
I'll meet you on God's golden shore.

(chorus) He'll meet you on God's golden shore.

Oh Poesy! for you I grab a pen

Stop and consider! life is but a day;
A fragile dew-drop on its perilous way
From a tree's summit

And can I ever bid these joys farewell?
Yes, I must pass them for a nobler life,
Where I may find the agonies, the strife
Of human hearts

Is there so small a range
In the present strength of manhood, that the high
Imagination cannot freely fly

Sleep and Poetry - John Keats

The summer's flow'r is to the summer sweet,
though to itself it only live and die

Sonnet 94, Shakespeare

The humour that life is

"Nor permanent identity, nor idea of a person, nor of being alive, nor of a time of existence" - (From the cover of 'The Cost' by The Frames)

Society -- cough! cough!

Sometimes I get so lost and so happy. The way I fall in love with something makes me so damn happy. Music plays a very long role. Eddie vedder with his 'Love reign over me' tone, or Bono with his latest 'to sleep the night shooting out the stars', or James hetfield getting his lungs out with 'Why can't I forgive me'.

Rock scene in India

Maktub from Motherjane has raised the bar up further.. Indian rock scene is truly grand. No labels around. Well 'uck the labels. Bands are going indie these days and coming up with some truly awesome compositions. 'Kashmir' from Agni is by far the best rock song to come out in India ( Led zeppelinism). Pin drop violence, Zero, Junkyard groove are amazing. Vinapra from bangalore (Hindi rock) is awesome. Indus creed has always been good. The happening act is fusion. Violin, tabla and keyboards rule. Coming out of mainstream music scene takes guts, and these guys have it. Prestorika, PDV are heavy. And heavy it is. Heavy!! Superb

What is more interesting is their diverse backgrounds. Investment banker (new Agnee vocalist), MSc in Microbiology (Raghu dixit) and many more working in corporates regularly jam and make people crazy! Good stuff..

With many albums in the pipeline, the rock scene looks really great. Can't wait to catch some of them live..

The lost world

Happy new year to everyone. My friends from Gwalior - cool dudes forever. My best buds Bobby, Suraj and Kuttu (Hyd and kerala)

Few things cross my mind. Poesy, War and war, Poesy and War again

One war ends and another begins. At sunrise you get a view. At sunset you get a view, albeit a different one. Broken violins, perforated black boards, golden dust inside a burnt shoe, deserted streets, business at complete halt. Carnival of carnage. Third world violence a page turner for first world enthusiasts. At this point I have to quote Einstein.

"I am convinced that God does not play dice". If only its true.

The old man said 'I am old'. The rest say 'Go get groceries. War is on'. Rest is me. Me within me. Capsuled and colored.

_________________________________

Discovered gold. Few letters. A poet at heart. How can I come to terms with one who has been so structured and hard to face when all of a sudden I find his youth so adventurous. Love is a powerful weapon. Addressing letters to his 'lady love', calling her 'My eve'. Time changes everything. A complete change of character. Is this for real?

Never shared a joke and yet soft spoken. Now that time played a few tricks, be my friend, my guide, my god. This world is too huge and too grand. Everything moves too fast. From the dirt comes beauty. I will stick to this thing.

These lines will remain with me. Your youth with me now. Let me admire your writings.

'pester me with your unfeigned love'

'How is it R - in this self confidence of love, I have hope that my dearest one will hold candle with me without paddling her own canoe, Selfless - Sacrificing - Without bowing to the fragile charms of the world. Love is to love - not only in word but in deed too. This is love R. What do you say. Two loves should become one and clasp and make it to rise to its greater heights - There lies the charm and highest pleasure. Not in hiding love my dear'

Dad, 1st Jan 1983 in a letter to my mother

Am I not one among millions chosen to pluck the lucky of luckiest
Oh! how could it be - when would it be
Is it in the New Year 1983.

Dad. My Friend, My Guide, My God

Boney M

My father used to listen to this song all day.. rewind play rewind play.. like a zillion times.. awesome song.. moody but really soothing..

See the stars come joining down from the sky
Gently passing they kiss your tears when you cry
See the wind the summer blow your hair upon your head
See the rain, the falling rain, it's great
Still i'm sad

All my sounds my tears just fall into days
They are driving the night will find they are lost
Now i found the wind is blowing time into my heart
When the wind blows hard we are apart
Still i'm sad

See the stars come joining down from the sky
Gently passing they kiss your tears when you cry
See the wind the summer blow your hair upon your head
See the rain, the falling rain, it's great
Still i'm sad

Still i'm sad
Oh heart, i'm sad
Still i'm sad
Oh heart, i'm sad
Boney M - Still I'm sad

Breathe

Now you see, i would wait.. wait till all the butterflies go to sleep and have nocturnal dreams. You see what you have never seen and wonder how it happened. The coaster broke and the wind broke my windowpane. How did it happen? Or the politics of fear. One of those special moments you watch on television. Airplanes dropping food packets over ill-fated Afghanistan. Arundhati roy says 'does it not hurt the pride of a human being to hunt for scattered food and in the process getting shot by the taliban and stripped of all your wealth'. Big issues, big things. How can we choose to ignore all this. We are here to stay. Maybe all the belief systems should be changed. Oh that would mean changing the world map!

this moment till it lasts
i look at my watch
time would blow itself, i know
in a few hundred seconds
now my diverging dreams speak
little things, big things
we are here to stay

Viva la Vida

I feel so inundated.. Such a void inside my head, i'd rather run away to nowhere! Well, Coldplay's new album is out and is rocking all charts.. 'Viva la Vida' is awesome. Experimental work paid off. The title track carries with it the bands creative work, not to mention that it is the second fastest selling album in UK.

'Reign of love' is rendered in a very romantic way. Tops my playlist

Reign of love
I can’t let go
To the sea I offer
This heavy load

Locusts will
Lift me up
I’m just a prisoner
In a reign of love

Locusts will
Let us stop
I wish I’d spoken
To the reign of love

Reign of love
By the church, we’re waiting
Reign of love
My knees go praying

How I wish
I’d spoken up
Or we’d be carried
In the reign of love.

Adios IIITM

Exit is just a few hours away. How should i feel? What should i do? 5 years in this college.. now left with 5 fuckin hours.. I am so so glad to know many of the guys who were like strangers to me during my initial years.. It is just so good. Does this have to end? Starting tomorrow, i should be back to bed early.. no dhaba.. no labs.. (well the comm sys lab was like BELL labs to me.. :-)) no 'smoke groups', no more silly gossiping, no more soccer & TT, no more FORT sessions (I loved it.. even though it was a jus a wastage of time, it was awesome), no more crazy partying (last night was super cool.. ) ,no more majors and minors, no more photocopy business (5 years -- photocopy - Rs 731/- heheh )and no more friends to talk abt senseless stuff..

5th year was the craziest year of my life. I have had so much fun and learning.. Jus cannot forget all those discussions with chauhan, fort sessions with unniyal, silly arguing with ankur, great soccer moments with sanjeev,alok,pajji,nikhil,santosh, and also the entire AP clan of 2nd flr wing.. We rock.. lets rock again.. ultimate music session with dhruv a few nights back.. hehe.. u went crazy..!!

Yea yea.. am jus making myself feel better by saying 'Nothing lasts forever' baby..!! Its true.. Just don't think anything.. board the train.. leave.. jus leave.. My throat is getting choked writing this.. 5 years in this place was legendary.. Lets try to make the coming life the same..

As johney quoted in his blog "To a trained mind, parting is another new journey"

Eddie vedder, kurt cobain, A R Rehman still mean a lot.. they r super cool


"So let's take the good times as they go And I'll meet you further on up the road" -- Bruce springsteen

Adios amigos.. i hope we cross paths in life.. No more isolation.. All the very best..

Music heroes

“Rock is so much fun. That's what it's all about - filling up the chest cavities and empty kneecaps and elbows.” -- Jimi Hendrix

My personal rock stars. My first love in this college. My way to get high. I never felt alone knowing I am in the company of soothing but aggressive vocals, guitars and drums. My personal music heroes

Eddie vedder - No 1 on my list.. Unbelievable voice. Great charisma and also quite awesome! He once wiped his ass with a rolling stone magazine onstage as his picture was put on the cover without his permission.

Thom Yorke - Creativity unlimited. So cool. 'In Rainbows' is their best album. I just can't get enough of them.

Chris martin - He married a sex bomb. But still we r on good terms!! :P

Layne Staley - Why did he have to die?

Kurt Cobain - Why did he have to die?

Jimmy page - No match to his guitar skills..

Chris Cornell - Super cool. Why did he leave 'Audioslave'


let this land crumble down into tiny pieces of monosyllables
i still have the power to extend my hand
why do we talk about fate and destiny?
i just know i have the power to change everything

I just wish I get a chance to see eddie vedder play live! sometime in future.. :)

Where is my source?

how i know what is strange
before i save it from extinction
give me a peace sign
so i can hang it on my door

can i be at peace
knowing i have a pen to write
and a book to read
closing all shutters which threaten
to annihilate my own feelings

my life is but a glossary
indicating all supple movements of the past
as i face the present
to counter my judgements of the future

winter fog and summer dust
two companions i dance with
now a runaway recluse
but when i find my source
i will disappear

what shape was it?
when i felt i could touch
but i feared it would melt
and flow away from me
ahhh it burned me
just once i wanted to crash into it
and feel the pain of satisfaction
just once.. where is it?

where is my source? just once..

Mine to yours

This one almost made me cry. A mail my dad sent to me back in 1st yr

'Was there any ragging in your college. Have you taken off mustache due to ragging? Or was it a friendly suggestion by Seniors. Do let me know. I will buy a new shaving kit for you' - Fri, 15 Aug 2003

New found glory!

Final day of another month. 30 days have gone by without my attention. We grow wise by each passing day. Elements of perished moments keep haunting me at night. I am just an event driven system. I gauge my calibre every now and then. All these things push me harder and harder into a principle based realm. The basic principles I ought to follow pushing aside others opinions. Here I lay.

My final days in college, and I pick up new passions. Latest in the town is Nusrat fateh ali khan. Chauhan introduced me to his music about 15 days ago. Extensive reading about his life, music and his mesmerizing influence all over the world blowed me away. One connection between Nusrat and Eddie vedder. I am in heaven. They contributed to the soundtrack of 'Dead Man Walking'. Amazing music. Amazing voice. Its just amazing. New found glory!

Simple enough

Like thin smoke from the ash of 'my' cigarette disappearing into the Grey background in random directions, my mind wanders and puzzles itself in connecting sporadic emotions that I may say are inconclusive and unabiding in all forms; spare my recollection as they are few. Its hard to summarize, what? Everything I see. 437 pages of a novel, half filled bottle of water, my benevolent winter jacket, 3 cigarettes arranged triangularly, sun-bathed banana peels which appear like coloured geckos, spider webs silently decorating the interiors of my room. These are just a few. Our emotions are very random; atleast I believe so. Do we really profess to having a least bit of discomfort? They stimulate us to satisfy them. Thats a good job eh?

I think we should just explode. What can come out? blood mixed organs or noxious lies or informative secrets which were for so long buried under the hood of speculative stupidity. I'd rather open before everything closes. I follow where my foot takes me to.

a sunny day, as bright as i could see
this rise, same as yesterday, all i am is free
the sound, of which i hear some
fast and rhythmic, where from they come?
the hustle and bustle, this and that folklore
canaries of the south, away from the sea shore
trickery by the eastern sorcerer
invasion by the western conqueror
a quick splat from the muted gongs
the priests sat and sang their songs
standing in unison we clap we frown
watching the emperor descend down

Lost in translation

a quarter of your laughs
and half of my drum beats
tween your gaze and mine
its just a sullen dream

What does it take to say 'I feel found' ? I am real with music in my head. I am real when I play. My physical balance speaks the truth. I am real when I sleep. I am real when I write. All talks around me appears dreary and incomplete. I would rather be termed a vagabound with all the comforts. I'm blind, so I don't react. I'm not sure what to make of myself. With just 2 months remaining before the college saga ends, the purpose remains a mystery. A beehive with no honey heh..

Hell with it. 'Never use your brain when you don't react'. The spellcheck continues. Just like honey! Lost in translation

the bottle with my note reaches the shore
should i let in
a beam of million faces
i can then forgive the most cruel
and rejoice in the delight
of the most beautiful

?????

I get high when I put my body through some physical strain like soccer or tt or anything. Thought this would help me start running..

"We are different, in essence, from other men. If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon."

- Emil Zatopek, 1952 Olympic Marathon gold medalist

Snow no?

heroic birds on twisted twigs
green anthems fragment my nonchalance
cutting my breath into tiny stories
the whole life becomes a mirage
snow white pebbles i collect
and rich, tough thorns i dread
distant bridges stitching those disconnected
all worth a dime dig out jewels

Snow in Baghdad after about 100 yrs! NYtimes says, "A welcome change of conversation for the Iraqis"

Hidden resolutions!

A very happy new year to everyone; grandma's, grandpa's, orphans, patients, singers, athletes, children, all my friends and my best buds Jose, Suraj and Shibu from hyd!

occurred twice, disapproving random dreams
deception flaring up, burying my sensual conscience
a molecule and an umbrella
swapping my spades with an extra drop of whimsical misery
courteous jittery with ice topping to make it look red
and because everything is just an illusion
I tame and turn frightening boundaries

I love all souls; everything is beautiful; just enjoy
I really hope so :)

January, here I come

I don't quite understand how things move fast. Or is this because of me being slow? Why do i feel homesick even after spending 5 years in this college? I always feel lost and moody the moment i board the train back to Gwalior. But in no time i get back to my own world where i take comfort in little surprises that lay before me, be it good or bad! I cannot explain the period i suffered from minor injuries that kept me out of soccer action. But no big depression on that part. Every thing's fine now.

We guys are finally leaving to Shimla today to spend new year eve. So to everyone, have a great finish to this year. January, here i come!

I just love this song. Enjoy

Starry nights, city lights
Coming down over me
Skyscrapers, and stargazers
In my head
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are
The waiting unknown
This dirty town was burning down in my dreams
Lost and found city bound in my dreams

And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting

Forget me nots and second thoughts
Live in isolation
Heads or tails and fairytales in my mind
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting unknown
The rage and love,
The story of my life
The Jesus of Suburbia is a lie

And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
Ohh..
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
Ohh..
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting

Green day

Crazy :)

found this on Postsecrets

Love at first sight!! :D


Permutation in music.. this is amazing - Longplayer

Fractured lines

I was so pissed off one day and this was the outcome!! No harm intended :D

"In all time and blood
I see nothing but pain and regret

My self being the source of wind
my fist talks and my mind preaches
till my blood evaporates
and my skin burns down
to nothingness

I wriggle like a worm
and my eyes blink like a snake
its poison all over me
waiting to inflict pain on others
and drain out all flesh and blood

My teeth speaks evil
plucking all known side
of humans breeding on this planet
like reckless soul awaiting
its turn in HELL"

ps: the word 'blood' is mentioned thrice!! heheh & this was about a month back in hyd

:-)

Its been a tiring 2 weeks for me.. not getting out of bed because of my sprained ankle really tested my senses.. but now I can walk again, but of course with a lil difficulty.. but its nothing compared to my friend Kushwah's injury.. "we all have our times - gud/bad " :))

We enter a new phase
where the most prevalent phenomenon
protrudes & crystallizes to shape you
As in intentionally groping in the dark
to touch everything that shines
and feel the physical existence
which otherwise is unattainable
to you and human reach

We enter a new phase
where method and logic pervades
the ever known ill-fated junk
of retributive dialogues within you that
starts to knock all doors in your mind
and you begin to prove your self love
and try to sell to one religion, one belief
one word, one principle, one second
we all adhere to in an uncontrolled
fashion to the highest degree of turmoil

Is this right?

one minute ecstasy, one inch relief
one step forward, one love grace
is this what I am after?
memories getting unlocked
what is done is being undone
all seasons, all strings
every hour, untitled prayers
untoward events, mixed feelings
rush of wishes which remain in my throat
bold directions, that region
that ends before it begins
marsh glow, harsh blow
stable and the brown horse
grass and the white rabbit
its better; seek beauty, no redemption
you contradict your own thoughts
land and the spin around us
hopping and circling the all
and you never believe the thing before your eyes
until you hear it say "it's true"

Ulrich Muhe

Friedrich Hans Ulrich Mühe who played the lead role of Gerd Wiesler in The Lives of Others, 2006 expired due to stomach cancer this July.

I am so moved by his performance in this movie.. Amazing personality as a whole.

Bring me down

a golden flash, jolts sent so down
i recieved with my strongest guts
intuition and speculation slapped me twice thrice
and so untidy it is, i could hardly see the other end
my fist to the ground, and it is just that small contact
i can instead cut my will with that glass sabre
and scream so hard so harsh
the dust sucks up my covert desires
and the wind smashes down my uncooked cliches
so i become a fearless blade with less questions
and i hear no more answers


Heading home for a while! No smoking/drinking zone :( Anyways its
been 6 months.. so always refreshing!! C u guys.. hv a gud time

No nonsense!

Took my first keyboard lessons from Sandeep. It is just that stupid excitement of me and chenna to blast our minds and be future Chris martin and Axl Rose!!! (we idolize these 2 personalities). Not to mention his guy Freddie mercury and my guy Eddie vedder. Superb vocalists.

Frequent visits to ICH for coffee in the morning and Coffee day in the evening adds to our not-to-get-bored package!! There are many things to do, but still killing time. Its football time again. 'uckin everybody at 6 am to get their asses off the bed. Oct 1st was our first match. Really enjoying each moment of the play. Watched Breach the other day. Chris cooper always gives that stunning performance. Just love that guy :P

I almost stopped eating NV, and its hard but am doing great. My schedule is again balanced. Sleeping at nights and awake all day (like a normal person..hehe) I donno when it will turn upside down again!! :D Cutting down on the cigs/day. 

when home is just a few paces away
i knew i had to leave my true self behind
my fear crosses my imagination
my thirst to grab anything that comes my way
takes birth again and i begin to relive my past

those bits are reconstructed and
it breaks away all my regrets
i take something more and leave nothing less
i breathe some peace and fight all my boundaries
my water is that ice again
all old is now new again
i never got tired
everything kept rolling

i woke up and i find
home is just a few paces away

Incomplete

those seconds of infinite possibility
my veil, my empty rhapsody

every big man a tiny decay
pastures, blue or yellow or green?
afterthoughts, now or then?
all unknown, blinded by
my veil, my empty rhapsody

but i bear to change that doesn't change

listen to every word and avoid all conjectures
play to every tune and escape all troubles
craft all emotions and remove all stains
breathe all if's and foil those but's

lay by me, show that glare
colour me, don't be blue
shuffle my cards, be my fete
glue my extra to your prologue

knock that is gone
spin that exists, touch that feels
keep which fits, throw that fails
be lost, but swim back again

build those infamous melodies
and run past them, be insane
be mad, be a fool, create a show
nothing hurts, just be that love

use that sieve to separate
that frosts, that kills
with your fist that chooses
which to break and which to make

is anything too much?
yes that which is coarse
no that which is delicate
nothing hurts, just be that love

keep your opinion, keep your motto
my drums, my words, my pick, my stand
cast away, but be my whole song
just show your love and that is my epilogue

lay by me, show that glare
and i will remove
my veil
i will change
my empty rhapsody

A side of me

that sense of detachment I fear
that sense of liberation I crave
alarms if I am uninvited to me

that shallow guilt precedes that enfolded quest
that few and that very I love
that many and that all I don't understand
still don't reach me
and does not become mine

that everything which inflates
that nothing which dwindles
that magic which ain't a mystery
that story which ain't real
that spat which breaks
that promise when broken

that room with no sound
that sound with no lilt
that face with no smile
that smile with all contempt
that humor with no laughter
that laughter with all sarcasm

the able and the defeated
have learned and made and traded
all glory and all pain
still dark, still tainted

everything is a pause
everything is a hold
uninformed and faded
and running like a wounded soldier

mine which is not yours
me who is not you
say if its false
and nod if its true

I only wait to see if it happens
So I join and clap
for everything I lost
and everything I gained

At times

Maybe everyone is insecure in this 'uckin world. Nothing changes at your will or maybe you need to push harder to get things done the way you desired! Crapped up profanity, insanely corrupting our envious souls and constantly giving that condescending look which I may say is disfiguring our very thoughts and notions which were to make this world a better place. But then we are all a part of this drama. And am nowhere too. Maybe I get a chance to do my part.
Am not keeping a count of cigs am burning, and thats bad! Really missing my bro these days. That bastard is one hell of a guy. Staying awake all night and sleeping like a pig all day :-) I gotta change my schedule man. Biological imbalance is dangerous. 'uck the rules. I don't know why. Feels good to watch the sunrise and be attached to reality for a while.

Not able to figure out what is addictive in life. Cigs, Music or Books 'uckin jaded in life. But determined to make it better. I really can. Thats the bottomline. Time for another fag. Chillll :-)

Orhan Pamuk

"A writer is someone who spends years patiently trying to discover the second being inside him, and the world that makes him who he is: when I speak of writing, what comes first to my mind is not a novel, a poem, or literary tradition, it is a person who shuts himself up in a room, sits down at a table, and alone, turns inward; amid its shadows, he builds a new world with words. This man – or this woman – may use a typewriter, profit from the ease of a computer, or write with a pen on paper, as I have done for 30 years. As he writes, he can drink tea or coffee, or smoke cigarettes. From time to time he may rise from his table to look out through the window at the children playing in the street, and, if he is lucky, at trees and a view, or he can gaze out at a black wall. He can write poems, plays, or novels, as I do. All these differences come after the crucial task of sitting down at the table and patiently turning inwards. To write is to turn this inward gaze into words, to study the world into which that person passes when he retires into himself, and to do so with patience, obstinacy, and joy. As I sit at my table, for days, months, years, slowly adding new words to the empty page, I feel as if I am creating a new world, as if I am bringing into being that other person inside me, in the same way someone might build a bridge or a dome, stone by stone. The stones we writers use are words. As we hold them in our hands, sensing the ways in which each of them is connected to the others, looking at them sometimes from afar, sometimes almost caressing them with our fingers and the tips of our pens, weighing them, moving them around, year in and year out, patiently and hopefully, we create new worlds."

-- Orhan Pamuk