Spirituality

I regard Thoreau's 'Life without Principle' the best damn thing ever written. If in need of motivation, I fall back on it. Induces a different sense of things around.

Angels & Airwaves - Diary ( A spiritual touch. I succumbed to it. Takes you to another level. )

Passionate intensity,It’s a complicated fusion. We are catapulted toward death. The mystique I adore is the beating heart of those who share my life. This is their legacy, in obscene glances, laced in silver. I like writing. I do this to amuse myself. It’s my life and I only get one go round. This was the result. Like life, it’s tentative, fragile, and halting. And these are the memories gorgeous .And welcome home.

Jeff Newell

"This is Water" By David Foster Wallace. I got hooked to it sometime back. It makes sense. 

We are tagged to one of the numerous skies painting this universe. All human existence is under these strokes of color. The blending shades which look beautiful above these skies! We can never conquer this. The capacity to distinguish ourselves from everything else! Nay

All we did and keep doing is wage wars or promote peace. How much did each decision benefit future is still not known. We are busy with the warmth of today. And so long as this warmth persists, we should crave for it. Yes we should. Do not disturb it. 

Take me as your servant. Take me as your weapon. Take me as your courage - Tom Delonge

Black Live

Dreams are made/make
to fall apart
But sometimes
sometimes
sometimes
come true - Eddie Vedder

Heard him say today in this great live version. Its awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0cMgiK8PKk

"A very, very distant second is a Ferrari" - Al Pacino in 'The Scent Of a Woman'

Wanted to write this down and here it is.

I didn't know what was then
what It is now
what it will open
Bursting forward and braking slow

Every second matters
Every second echoes
For the master inside music
For the mind not wandering
A fraction not uncommon
A blip not unheard
A slope not untravelled
A stone not untouched

Madness

Lately, the kind of music I explore has mellowed down. But I do catch up on some of the groups I like the most.

Soundgarden forms again! And I knew this yesterday!! Killer songs again in their new album. 

Muse is always great. Supremacy and Madness on their new album 'The 2nd Law' is too good. Madness especially is very catchy. He hits very high in the end. That is fucking great. The best part is even after listening it to like a thousand times, it still feels refreshing to hear it once again. 

Imagine Dragon - Demons & Its time is also good. 

"Lover of the light" by Mumford and sons has amazed me. Idris elba in the video version is awesome. Great stuff.

Linkin park has mellowed down too :-) Their latest 'Living things' does have some good numbers. 

Looking forward to my all time fav Pearl jam with their "Lightning bolt" coming up soon. 

Ember and Ether

Ember and Ether. That gentle stroke and the ash dissolves into the damp mud. Color fading out and become one of soil. Qualms and queries we have. Wishing we swap them with those who have none. There are none. They do not exist. We are made to have queries. Are we then talking about ghosts? If they do exist, our doubts may afterall not fall on deaf ears. If they do exist, are we then so underevolved to answer them ourselves. Do we need ghosts to answer our queries. I assume they don't exist. Lets move on. I now have the burden to encapsulate all matter and make good sense out of it. Good.

The burning coal never dies. Crude and prophetic.

In this cosmic timeline, we are small floating chips. Fighting with the molecules we ascend and descend. All the while taking note of our existence. A mere flip flop.

Candles and aromas. The mortal remains of our memories. 

We can be heroes just for one day - David Bowie

Passing by

I needed a good reason to reach the shores of this abandoned place. Something - abstract or real - that would jolt my dormant mind to awaken and force it to pen down a few words worth being written in this largeness of space!

I will not hesitate to take this line from the movie 'Liberal Arts'.

"The other day I was crossing the street, lost in my head about something - a not uncommon state of affairs. I was listening to the overture and as the music began to swell I suddenly realized that: I had hands. And legs, and a torso, and that I was surrounded by people and cars. It's hard to explain exactly what happened, but I felt in that moment that the divine - however we may choose to define such a thing - surely dwells as much in the concrete and taxi cabs as it does in the rivers, lakes, and mountains. Grace, I realized, is neither time nor place dependent. All we need is the right soundtrack"

Yes I agree! All we need is the right soundtrack. I saw something coming up. Without a shred of doubt, of which I am always enslaved to, I rushed to the corners of the window ( 'My Computer' ) and enqueued Pearl Jam. Oh! Eddie Vedder, I so find solace and peace in your voice. Its been so since college. Started with 'Just Breathe'.

The thought of writing something sure lingered in my head for quite sometime. And yet I needed this song, this one song, these 180 seconds of baritone voice circling and playing inside the depths of my ear, to make known the works I always admire. Yes, it is just about time to say what I like the most about poetry. It is this

How it makes sense that amidst turmoil lies true beauty. Amidst the rubble of the stormy wars and false preaching of mankind that befell this planet lies true greatness. Amidst all known and unknown lies the true spirit of joy and laughter. 

And how beautifully Luke Kelly rendered this poem

We tripped lightly along the ledge
Of a deep ravine where can be seen
The worth of passion's pledge

With her own name there and her own dark hair
Like clouds over fields of May -  - On Raglan Road by Patrick Kavanagh

Trouble with everything around you can still bring beauty to the fore

My lids closed down—yet through their veil

I saw him blazing still;

And bathe in gold the misty dale,

And flash upon the hill - Dazzling Sun by Emile Bronte

Curiosity should be embraced and fed with notes still not composed. And yet elevates you to do it.

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth - The road not taken by Robert Frost

And how it's important to dwell in the palace of memories sculpted decades ago and still try to live in the present. To gaze upon the sky and spot the mountains on the moon and wonder with eyes closed.

on the shore Of the wide world I stand alone, and think Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink. - John Keats

And to cultivate love in your blood, kindness in your heart with fiesty parades on your foot

in me all that fire is repeated, 

in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten - Pablo Neruda in If you forget me

Never giving up and always marching.

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips - Mary Angelou in Phenomenal Woman

Or to summarize everything in life and come up with a stunner. A catch that does not struggle in the net, but waits for the master to set it free.

And were an epitaph to be my story
I’d have a short one ready for my own.
I would have written of me on my stone:
I had a lover’s quarrel with the world - Robert Frost

Stranger Than Fiction

Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true.

-- Stranger Than Fiction

Disappointed with the oscars. Joaquin phoenix should have won it. Never seen a work that is so powerful. The screen screamed of excellence. 

Proust and some other things

"And in myself, too, many things have perished which, I imagined, would last for ever, and new structures have arisen, giving birth to new sorrows and new joys which in those days I could not have foreseen, just as now the old are difficult of comprehension"

"like those convent bells which are so effectively drowned during the day by the noises of the streets that one would suppose them to have been stopped for ever, until they sound out again through the silent evening air"

"For in order to make us descend into the most subterranean galleries of sleep, where no reflexion from overnight, no gleam of memory comes to light up the interior monologue–if the latter does not itself cease–fatigue followed by rest will so thoroughly turn over the soil and penetrate the bedrock of our bodies that we discover down there, where our muscles plunge and twist in their ramifications and breathe in new life, the garden where we played in our childhood. There is no need to travel in order to see it again; we must dig down inwardly to discover it"

-- Marcel Proust (In search of Lost Time)

In such conditions, superficial or not, where I often ponder on the phenomenon of 'creation' it so occurs that all the randomness in life is actually the beauty we never see. To embrace and not ignore them is the key to be happy and content. What is creation after all? Have I created anything worthy? Yet? Is it just in the plan off the back of my head? Will it ever flame out and squash the darkness?

A new life has thus begun. I tied the knot some many days ago to my beloved and lay swinging to all the dances encountered hitherto. I must admit that it has been a pleasure to just lay swinging. All of life comes circling down to one point and you take it from there. Fresh memories, fresh roads and fresh curves ahead. New people, new humor. New visions and newer plans. Oh I see the beauty in it.

Hope I take forward many good memories and be good and kind to one and many. To not bother much about the future and keeping walking ahead. A good year to record some strange and some funny moments. 

Coming back to Life

Tough decisions need to be taken. It will hurt some, upset some. I cannot let conservative thoughts seep through my blood. It has to stop!! Period.

Where do I get the energy then? How? What can challenge me? What can piss me off? Will I be too hard on people who I respect the most? I don't want that. 

Every fucking problem has a fucking solution! That's how it is. I know that. Proper reasoning is enough. Cut out all the other bullshit and set straight. Examine the line of sight. 

Prove it and show how people can be wrong. After all, we have to fight for our dreams right? Fuck yes. 

Every act has a phase. We cannot skip that. 

Untitled

"No time for that". A phrase we hear a lot. A phrase we utter a lot. I am no better. I utter it at least once a day. 

So what do we do about that? I feel sick uttering those words. To be stereotyped is a sin! The most simple causes of every day life are built out of small imaginations. Small and tiny efforts go a long way. Simple efforts. 

I will try not to say that again. If I ever do, its time for "Correction". Undo and start over again.

Skipping rope is pure bliss. I love it. Burns a lot of calories and keeps your heart pounding. Workouts going good. 4-5 days a week is more than enough. 

I am really

Pissed off.  Never been this mad. Educated bastards having no sense of the world. Dogs r better.  How foolish of them to believe in absurd things! We r young to be dragged into it.  Second time am facing it. I really pity them. U r unlucky.  I knw tht for sure. I am gonna thump u down if I ever see your sad shit face.
I Feel sorry for u. Am helpless.. but yes good things are in store for u.  U will see. Patience will always pay off.  Cheers.

Someone or Something

You came running to me

Why this rush lady?

A friend of mine is lost in Upanishads. And I ask him what is the truth? "That is for you to figure out". 

These plain rocks which take in the sea. Of them, I sit on one and take the lashing. It felt really good. Now I am back to the city.

I am looking deep down. I slide in a rope to bring out the creative me. And I fear it will be the same 20 years down. The rope still left in the dark and I find myself with no energy to hold it. 

"I woke to the sound of drums

The music played, the morning sun streamed in

I turned and I looked at you

And all but the bitter residue slipped away...slipped away" - A Great Day for Freedom

Day 1 - Sunrise running

1.6 KM - this is after a gap of about 3 years! I have to credit myself :P

Was a bit rough but the good thing is I was not left gasping for breath! I stilllllll have it. Good sign. I just have to be patient and see how long this goes. 10K is the initial target. Have to gun this by Feb end. 

But yes, Nicotine is still hanging around. I feel like a gutless, shameless asshole for having taken to it again after all the inner preaching :P. It doesn't work. "Keep quitting and you will quit". Lets see

Work is drab, drab, drab. My mind flutters, flutters, flutters. And I say, quit quit quit. And I say, Run Run Run.

So many emotions quarrel in a congested mind. All that is left is something called "Will". Such a shit it is. 

God! I feel hungry. One thing I fear is the concept of Cafes in Hyderabad which is soon fading out to history. Its all about kfc or mcD or many such stupid places. I need my regular chai and a couple of tie biscuits every now and then. 

Old is always Gold. 

Run and Cycle 2012

It is here finally. World coming to an end shit has already started. Well I don't care. Anyways, I am now quite determined to kick the butt :-) I am definitely going to miss it, but I guess its for the best that I leave that habit behind. Time to run and cycle. 

Run and Cycle.

Run and Cycle fucker.

Get high running and cycling. Get tooo high. I have done it before. Will do it again. I need that. I need that air and I need that energy again. To regain what is lost. To leave behind the drama and all the nonsensical stuff inside my head. Clean it out. Freshen up. Look forward and actually do it. 

A great book by my side. 'Its not about the bike' by Lance Armstrong. He says, "When you cycle for 2500+ miles over a period of 20 days. When you peddle up a mountain that rises at 20degrees for every 10 feet. You lose your conscience. White snow turns black. As my friend said - I still see the sky even after my house is burned down"

Yeah. That is correct. To just make this small wish of mine happen is the topmost priority. To just run and cycle every now and then. Cheers!!

Untitled

Its a strange feeling. 

I am finding it hard to describe where I am today. I don't wanna sound depressing, because I am not :) Its a confusing cloud. Floating up above me. 

People around are calling me a lunatic. It is unsettling at night :D 

I remain a residue hiding at the bottom of the ocean. Quarterlife crisis as mentioned in one article. OK. A fresh year coming up and as again its time for resolutions. It never fructifies but yeah costs nothing to write down. 

Being fit and agile is my topmost priority. I have to swing. I have to run. Get high just running. Just one resolution thats all :-)

Live, celebrate and have a good time.

Sideways

From a choir. And then from a chair. The roots and how they were shining. The stones. With what we are made. I had a distant dream of setting my soul to sing and dance. The curious shine and the roots. So pure and so calm.

How unusual it is for me to be in Love. I opened the doors. All the years got jammed and it did open. Made a strange sound. The one I never heard. The one I always longed to hear. The one I only dreamt about.

A crystal of Splendor. I am tired again :)

______________________________________________________________

What is it about Wine? Maya in 'Sideways' says

"I like to think about the life of wine. How it's a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline. And it tastes so fucking good"


On the same lines..


"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?" -- Charles Bukowski

Mylo Xyloto

Here it is again. From one of the most talented groups - Coldplay. I must admit that this release is less explosive than VivaLaVida, but nevertheless its the "Iceberg" voice (as my friend Suraj opines) that I am after. This makes it very cool. 

"Through chaos as it swirls
It's us against the world"

We need a picture. Some random gestures. From a mile away, I need someone waving at me. We need an Image makeover. The option to believe that things will get simple. There is no congestion. In about a month, I will be 26. Officially declared as an Uncle! No regrets as of now. I have what I love the most. Maybe, as the days pass by things may get crooked. But "we gotta do what we gotta do" ;-)

At peace..

The Balance

Too much of everything is bad. I need fresh air. Too much of stress on my mind is creating problems. I definitely need "THE BALANCE".

Starting today, I will say NO to my menial desires. This state sucks. Never be on the border line. Why make it confusing and complicated. Lets just say "Every problem has a solution"

To any dumb asshole who comes up to me and says "Well, not all problems have solutions" - Fuck off. In all my practical existense, there never was a problem which didn't have a solution. Its very simple. 

Music and broken notes

The urge to explore has never gone down. Soul music is what I am after. It is not a genre, but music that keeps you sane.

Seven Mary Three - Cumbersome, Rodrego
Pearl Jam - Release, Garden

Eddie Vedder is the best. I must have said this like a zillion times. He is now above everything in music for me. He completes everything. And I for sure will always follow his tunes and his voice. So much is written but none of it has been published. I thought now would be a good time to post whatever has been left incomplete. I have no clue how they came out. I must admit, I have written these lines when I was tired, frustrated, angry and idle. Fuck it.

Daylight brushes of a calm morning
I rushed to the window to find the beauty in you
the sight which kept me in existence
for all the years that my soul travelled
washed away those split moments 


what I dreamnt, what I became
__________________________________


for want of living, life is given
can I actually live this life then?


as the dawn and dullness of yesterday
flew over my head to embrace this sad inside
my soul at that tick of time grew happy
as the dusk and fullness of tomorrow
erased everything I carried


why then my soul disturbs me at night
when only the tides get stronger
and the rest get to pleasure deep slumber
I sit up and fight with my own might


all time the sun is down
my thoughts just get deeper and deeper
accompanied by the lady of mist with her sharp frown
_________________________________


Like stars on earth
Like music on earth
Like the last shadow of sadness
Like the mix of bliss from yesterday
Like my own self

_________________________________

let all birds flap their wings

when you open your eyes

let the clouds give way to the moon

when you lift your gaze to the skies

let the wind sweep your tears

when a white horse passes by you

let the ground be decorated with ice crystals

when your foot leaves a print of the past

and when I come, along the silent street

shall we walk, holding hands

and getting dissolved in a different world

till our memory slowly fades away into nature's own hand

when the wind stops and the moon disappears

we will part only to be united again by Nature's blessings

_______________________________

drive me to the immortal sea

where light from sun and sound from within make a common plea

as i rest my heart upon yours

may the sea be turned into a garden of flowers

lay by me, be my song

be my ecstasy, my color, my book

your breath locks mine

and we spiral down into an abyss of unknown dreams

________________________________

Happy new year 2011

Long time. Pretending to be busy is so fucking mean. The truth is I am not. And yet I get sucked up into this pathetic situation called 'Busy'. Horse shit. Who the fuck am I to be busy. What does it mean anyway. Lies and Lies and just lies. Vow, I feel better now :)

Richard in 'The Beach' says  "The only downer is, everyone's got the same idea. We all travel thousands of miles just to watch TV and check in to somewhere with all the comforts of home, and you gotta ask yourself, what is the point of that?"

Its true, what is really the point? Cant we allow ourselves to experience the primitive modes of life. It is now more of "Likes","Pokes" and "Breakfast updates".

When I go up the counter and buy cigarettes, the lady asks "How old are you"?

I am now into the G-Chord and still the same strumming pattern. Move forward!

One of the cleaners resigned. She got pissed off. I am now pushing hard to keep the house clean and the walls "Blue". Fuck I cant even roll out Zeppelin poster.

What is struggle? For an ordinary office goer, even a bus ride from Secunderabad to Begumpet is a struggle. He will not admit this. Such is our endurance. 

I always say something stupid. People get hurt sometimes. Shouldn't I be more careful? Improve man. Don't be a sucker. You got only one life and that's the truth. 

Why do people talk about politics anyway? No vote, no talk. Please.

"For mine is a generation that circles the globe and searches for something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it." -- The Beach.

Hyderabad

Silver jubilee. No big achievements, just following, just moving. Someone special presented me a box guitar! This came as a big surprise for me, as I always wanted to learn and play guitar. With no hard pressing thoughts, I guess my biggest resolution would be to learn it now :). Exciting.

Ankit recommended few songs from Coke Studio and I am totally into it. Aik Alif, Hor Vi Neevan Ho, Nigah-e-Darwaishaan. Beautiful music. Especially these lines from Aik Alif

Bas ik karee oh yaar ilumu
Stop seeking this knowledge (of the world) my friend
Bas ik karee oh yaar ilumu
Stop this seeking my friend

I had an interesting conversation with him. He says "If you are more ambitious, you will never find happiness. Keep your ambitions low". Makes good sense. Simple and neat.

Back to Hyderabad and I love this city. I was deprived of Noise,Crowd,People the last 3 months. Realized that I actually belong here. To be among the crowd, the sweltering heat, Police challan, bargaining, Chai, Samosa and all the bustle that this city has. I dont have a driving licence, but still I can manage to get through to any corner in this city :) All the bad things written and said and exaggerated  about India is true. But life is connected here. We value that. We move on. Its true that ours is the only country where you will find a 27 storey hi-tech residence, which is valued at over a billion dollars, and find a refugee camp style slums just a few yards away. And its not a refugee camp, its where people live. 

Jo na janay
One who doesn't know...
Haq ki taqat
The strength of truth
Raba na deway us ko hemat
God won't give them the strength -- aik alif