At times

Maybe everyone is insecure in this 'uckin world. Nothing changes at your will or maybe you need to push harder to get things done the way you desired! Crapped up profanity, insanely corrupting our envious souls and constantly giving that condescending look which I may say is disfiguring our very thoughts and notions which were to make this world a better place. But then we are all a part of this drama. And am nowhere too. Maybe I get a chance to do my part.
Am not keeping a count of cigs am burning, and thats bad! Really missing my bro these days. That bastard is one hell of a guy. Staying awake all night and sleeping like a pig all day :-) I gotta change my schedule man. Biological imbalance is dangerous. 'uck the rules. I don't know why. Feels good to watch the sunrise and be attached to reality for a while.

Not able to figure out what is addictive in life. Cigs, Music or Books 'uckin jaded in life. But determined to make it better. I really can. Thats the bottomline. Time for another fag. Chillll :-)

Orhan Pamuk

"A writer is someone who spends years patiently trying to discover the second being inside him, and the world that makes him who he is: when I speak of writing, what comes first to my mind is not a novel, a poem, or literary tradition, it is a person who shuts himself up in a room, sits down at a table, and alone, turns inward; amid its shadows, he builds a new world with words. This man – or this woman – may use a typewriter, profit from the ease of a computer, or write with a pen on paper, as I have done for 30 years. As he writes, he can drink tea or coffee, or smoke cigarettes. From time to time he may rise from his table to look out through the window at the children playing in the street, and, if he is lucky, at trees and a view, or he can gaze out at a black wall. He can write poems, plays, or novels, as I do. All these differences come after the crucial task of sitting down at the table and patiently turning inwards. To write is to turn this inward gaze into words, to study the world into which that person passes when he retires into himself, and to do so with patience, obstinacy, and joy. As I sit at my table, for days, months, years, slowly adding new words to the empty page, I feel as if I am creating a new world, as if I am bringing into being that other person inside me, in the same way someone might build a bridge or a dome, stone by stone. The stones we writers use are words. As we hold them in our hands, sensing the ways in which each of them is connected to the others, looking at them sometimes from afar, sometimes almost caressing them with our fingers and the tips of our pens, weighing them, moving them around, year in and year out, patiently and hopefully, we create new worlds."

-- Orhan Pamuk

Tharoor and Elton John

A piece by Shashi Tharoor

Try to think of nothing.
That's the secret.

Try to think of nothing.
Do not think of work not done,
of promises unkept, calls to return,
or agendas you have failed to prepare for meetings
yet unheld.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of words said and unsaid,
of minor scandals and major investigations,
of humiliations endured, insults suffered,
or retorts that did not spring to mind
in time.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of your forgotten wife,
of lonely children and their reproachful demands,
or the smile of the pretty woman
whose handshake lingered just a shade too long
in your palm.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of newspaper headlines,
of the insistent transience of the InfoNet,
or the seductive stridency of the TV microphones
thrust so thrillingly
into your face.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of the waif on the foreign sidewalk,
her large eyes open in supplication,
her ragged shift stained by dirt and dust,
stretching her despairing hand toward you
in hope.

No, do not think
of the woman at the building site,
wobbling pan of stones on her head,
walking numb for the thousandth time
from pile to site and site to pile
as her neglected baby scrabbles in the dust,
eats sand and wails, unheard.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of the starving infant,
parched lips mute in hunger,
sitting slumped in the mud,
his eyes fading before his heart.
Do not think
of the stark ribs of skeletal cattle,
unable to provide milk, or hope,
in drought-dried lands of which you know nothing.

Think of nothing.
Do not think
of the dead-eyed refugee, dispossessed
of everything he once called home.
Do not think
of the unsmiling girl whose once-sturdy thigh
now ends at the knee, the rest blown off
by a thoughtless mine on her way to the well.

No, do not think
of the solitary tear, the broken limb,
the rubble-strewn home, the choking scream;
never think of piled-up bodies, blazing flames,
shattered lives, or sundered souls.
Do not think of the triumph of the torturer,
the wails of the hungry,
the screams of the mutilated,
or the indifferent smirk of the sleek.

Think of nothing.
Then you will be able
to sleep.

______________________________________

Elton John's "Sacrifice" - truly a classic one..

It's a human sign
When things go wrong
When the scent of her lingers
And temptation's strong

Into the boundary
Of each married man
Sweet deceit comes calling
And negativity lands

Cold cold heart
Hard done by you
Some things look better baby
Just passing through

And it's no sacrifice
Just a simple word
It's two hearts living
In two separate worlds
But it's no sacrifice
No sacrifice
It's no sacrifice at all

Mutual misunderstanding
After the fact
Sensitivity builds a prison
In the final act

We lose direction
No stone unturned
No tears to damn you
When jealousy burns

In the...

The last moment was brief. The last words were terse. The way I came out was the way I went in. Like earthworms taking comfort in the murky moors, I took comfort in staring at my shadow staggering like a drunkard with a broken spectacle. I was completely soaked in the water of disguised silence. My journey became clueless. My throat was all parched up and my ears turned mute to all my worries. My constant fear to face tomorrow was the only thing which kept me alive. A fear of not announcing myself. A fear of not allowing myself to experience the limits of my potential to logically break down the essence of life. A fear of not comprehending my responsibilities as a youth. A fear of not able to cry when I should.

My whole living memories took a different path when I ceased to think. It highlighted my unusually skeptical mind to the outside contemporary world. The life I was living seemed extinct and the life I am living now is invigorating. The rain pouring down was like a sweetened potion. The mild breeze held my thoughts together with the leaves swaying about pompously, but remaining anonymous to the happenings.

Why have I chosen this path? I have spoken about all my known and uknown qualities, yet some nuances remain buried. I questioned insolently, but came no answer.

My other mundane life pulled me outside. To a life that is to be led in a good simple way

A pinch of color

A series of incidents can turn you on or off..And what follows it will determine the depth of ones character. Will he shrug it off and move on, or hold it inside him and be a stone?

From the myriad of colors, I chose none
I defined my thoughts
and let my heart talk
to all the queries and inhibitions i hold

to the bed of the sea i swim
and let my doubts drown in the silence
i hold my hands and now i pray
but the dolphins beckon me to come their way

and in this body of blue dreams
i followed them...

they eased my struggle within
a struggle to match my heart and mind
my heart says dive into your thoughts
my mind says cave out to life

and i come up to the surface
to breathe the live air and feel the pain
and joy it is to live real
and joy it is to live in love..

They spoke

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
Mahatma Gandhi

“"Let me light my lamp", says the star, "And never debate if it will help to remove the darkness”
Rabindranath Tagore

“From the solemn gloom of the temple children run out to sit in the dust, God watches them play and forgets the priest”
Rabindranath Tagore

A clown and a soldier he was

Farthest from the land, where dust never settles
I saw a bird fettered and caged
Deep into the sea, where bullets cannot reach
I saw a fish with a broken fin

Up on the battlefront where fear crosses thirst
I saw a soldier without his armour
and for every second of his life
he wishes not to be that caged bird
he wishes not to be that fish with a broken fin
but yearns for his boots and bullets to be on
until the war is done and the enemy is gone
and for the days left
he hung his boots and worked as a clown
jumping, winking and making that funny frown

for every smile he brings
a little joy he spread
and a heartfelt tear he shed
wounds which have healed but the pain that still stings
a knife he has, to free the bird
but none he has to fix the broken fin

the soldiers, his mates, whose souls have risen
to the mountains where seasons are driven
whisper the hymn of life
he chose not to listen, for luck saved him

the truth he confessed pleased the priest
blesses him and says "God awaits you in heaven"

A Frame unpaved

light, my desire
dark, my words

bury my pain
and remove this stain

flip a coin and carry the odds
luck not my way, my way is my lord

my lies, I blame
my mistakes, I claim

walk slower and breathe higher
stay firmer and live sober
lay a brick at every layer
unshackle your mind
and defend yourself as a supreme player

i confess, i belied
this delight, this myth
harder it is with my hands tied
but i say i shall never quit

Paragon of beauty

Living on a single bowl of porridge a day and still managing to give a smile is the best wonder in this world..cheers

Paradise lost, Paradise gained

gurgle of the seas drew a little child into the expanse
that he faltered hither and thither was mystifying
nevertheless, he found the key to the gates of freedom
and all that gloom crumbled down and vanished

toying with his pup, he led himself through the gates
ornamented with rose petals and guarded by the godly angels
he snapped and they started crooning
but the notes picked their way out into the sea

the gigantic nimbuses above started to rain
earthworms rejoicing and turtles nodding to its glory
the lone kid felt happy watching his pup burrowing
until tiny bubbles surfaced to his astonishment

the droplets could not puncture the bubbles
which further elevated his curiosity
they seemed to follow a pattern, moving away from shores
Oh! this magical show, Oh! this magical show

unweaving this wizardry he wanted to follow the bubbles
"Dont you want to stay here with people" retorted the angel
the pub meanwhile is busy burrowing the crust
"the gates will forever be bolted, make your choice"

all that music, all that sound came back rushing
the angel said "they had to satisfy all the boughs in the woods"
for they spent relentless nights defying the wild storm
for they pined for the lullaby

driven by this empathy, driven by this truth
the kid chose to retreat back to the land
"the bubbles will come back to you later son"
"and this magical show will again be played"

'Out to sea. Out to sea, and in the weightlessness of the deep where dreams come true, two souls unite to fulfill a single wish. Your gaze and mine, over and over like an echo, repeating silently: "Deeper, and deeper," beyond everything that is flesh and blood. But I always awaken and I always wish for death, my lips forever entangled in your hair'

-- Ramón Sampedro (The Sea Inside - 2004)

Indian duet

Democracy in its true literal sense, comes as a saviour to all our worries. Our post-Independence era was marked with sly political pathos by political babus, who in their own way interpreted this society as being their bait. We have seen them on the rostrum making phony promises and driving people to chant their slogans. Over the years, this line of indifference has become thinner and thinner. Our apathetic minds has evolved into a more lively form. This clearly doesn't nudge away the true leaders who have shaped our economy and brought hope to the people. Their active resistance towards events like communal conflicts, among the many, which have warned to destabilize the country, has shown a way of living to the masses.

On the contrary, we can never overshadow the strife put up by our forefathers in democratizing this nation. Some presume that we were destined to live this way. Some perceive that their valiant act to liberate us from the British was just another gig.

We are lucky enough not to see the harsh realities of totalitarianism. To this day, there are countries like Burma and most of the central African soils where militant outfits recruit male children to carry out their tasks and female children as sex slaves. Their insane involvement in debauchery has led to the spread of HIV in these countires. Than Shwe, dictator of Burma, for instance has "Executed 2,000 soldiers for failing to execute child laborers properly". Such is the chaos in that country, where passing by a generals house would mean to be shot. Subdued life. Suicide bombings, arson and various other acts of terror is just coming up in the name of religion. Every religion which preaches its followers to be united for all cause is now viewed to endorse clash of opinions which is threatening enough to wage war across frontiers. The very nature of sanctity is being dragged down to mud.

We are lucky enough to be insulated from all these vile juggernauts. Reality always goes in parallel with the gaudy cocktail parties at big mansions. True and its true. We are seasoned to think that its the rich who are supposed to bring value to the society. The poor are just admitting their status and are the victims of high-class people's wayward liberal actions. Its the masses who have their hands set right on the trigger, but conservative thinking is hindering them from pulling it.

A whole lot of projections regarding the status of our developing Economy are being made with respect to other developing countries. While the superpowers may term ours as a 'fledgling economy', I see our economy as far more sophisticated than it appears to be. I see our economy as treading in the way of opportunities only if we shun blind faith and welcome liberal thoughts beneficial to man and mankind.

Heartily Greetings

A friend of mine said "Everyday is the last day of the year". I couldn't take this off my mind. Partly because of its aphoristic nature and partly because of my beliefs.

Welcome 2007..

A very Happy New Year to Daffodils, Joy, Responsibility, God, Atheists, Orphaned kids and my Dear friends

I could say that my views of this world has become more channeled. Questions like 'Who is gonna bear the brunt for these consequences', 'What goes with this', 'Will you step back' are making its way to be more vivid in my mind. Music was what I enjoyed the most. The more I listen to the tracks, the more am I drawn towards its inner circle of joy it renders.

I was nothing but juggling with the coloured balls I picked out of the box called 'Life'. Those balls had to eventually go back to the box and I had to pick a new random set for this year. Enthralling but tricky..

Some of my thoughts which found its way to the paper..

The knot could not be untied, the story could not be told
The colours of sorrow swept across unseen
But I still remember this joy that day
when the clouds shooed the doubts away
and the rain swallowed empty and incomplete verses
Santa was happy as ever
Books were as holy as God
and God as the Godfather

But the candles recited the last symphony
with verses that were complete but hollow

Questions to answers, answers to reasoning
Dancing like a damsel seducing
Oh I feel I lost my place
Never have I seen this long chase

Mint, as in I smell
Merry Merry, Love where I dwell
Toxic, but not piercing
Happening, but never concluding

Never to forget, never to die
this unending love through fall, through spring
Hanging gardens of faith never lie
I felt it, numb as smiling

The knot was untied and the story was narrated
And the candles waved goodbye

Beyond and across

I have two answers to every question put forth..Yes and No

I have two ways to follow when am alone..
a bright smile for everything
or a dark cry for nothing

I have two words to confess when I am wrong..I'm lucky

When sound is all I hear, I dream
When people are all I see, I smile
When time is all I have, I wait

And when its all over, I pray
For I found my way
For it was done in a day
For its the humming sound I hear
from the distant stars many many light years away

Gripped in this box of fear I answered the call
I had no qualms
With little malice, with little logic
I was right in all sense
I cannot lean against this wall
It is toxic
I answered the call

You hide, you never take shelter under the shadow of god
You break open, you can see your shadow in the dark

I have two words to confess when I am wrong..I'm lucky

I chose not to discover

I am nothing outside
I am everything inside

I chose not to discover
I chose it to be subjective
I chose it to be sublime divinity
I chose it to be soundless

Motionless, I wish
this planet with greater pain than joy

Surreal thoughts in a bubble of togetherness punctured
I cried, I looked back, but found myself staring at ominous silence
I saw people cry, but they never had a chance to look back

I know no religion
I know no traditions
I know no culture
These are but elements breeding on humanity
These are seeds of fundamentalism
These are seeds of uncommunicative, unheard voices

With every tinge of fear this world faces
I pray to God
to instill confidence in me
to plant seeds of faith in me
to shower humanity in me

I live not to die alone
I live to die for someone dying beside me

I walk beside people
I walk under the sky

I chose not to discover
I choose to remain silent

I am nothing outside
I am everything inside

A tale of heart and mind

Of what interest can it be
when I have eyes but cannot see

I want to run like the wind
I may perspire
I may become weak
My sight may converge to the end

Of seas, mountains & flowers
Of eyes, smile & pain
Of love, illness & music
a veritable challenge in hand

People confide
This they live
under the czars
under the blanket of countless stars

Time, a compiler of thoughts
thoughts diffused in serenity
of which birds cannot comprehend
neither we breathing sapiens

Its the shadows that dont cry
Its the shadows that dont bleed

Engulfed in this storm of life
we are conditioned to live
to notice but not observe
to show mercy but not help
to mock at but not step up

Mundane lives, talking cliches

We are guardians of future
future taking birth every second
and becoming extinct the very next second

All we hear
beeps that transcends continents
continents made of swords
continents chaining love
and term it a pity slave

God, a great tester
we make a mockery of him
he gives time

we are good, he says
we are bad, we say

Of what interest can it be
when I have eyes but cannot see

Drenched in the duality of life....

Back when I was a tiny tot uttering strange words and trying to join pieces of pictures to figure out what was going around me till now when I am still trying to join those missed out pieces, I listened and have been listening to it all. Discerned in totality, never did I speak up. Its like I have been typing down words, erasing it and again typing it. Interlocked mind never even bothering what I scribbled down before. Erased and its gone. There is no balm to alleviate this. But this irrevocable nostalgic feeling smeared all over me still persists. My mind is deluged with this feeling. Things that were strange are now musical to me. Things that were musical are now strange to me.

Soft and sharp, they never fade away. Every moment being crystalised in my mind.

I always believed and I still believe truth always juts out as and when we grow older. It sings along with us. It propagates with life. It commands attention. It sits beside you but looks beyond future. It inhales the aura we emanate and exhales truth. Phase by phase. Step by step. Note by note. Never leaps..takes small paces but is swift and agile.

From Einstein who believed in miracles to J Krishnamurthy who was a firm believer in simple pleasures of life, truth spoke. A revelation never understood by me. The truth which always freezed me under the sun. Bite your nails, gnash your teeth, lift a trophy, ignore the ignorant, hold a pen, listen to music, buy a pair of trousers...truth always speaks..

You start thinking about the metaphysical parts of life. Curiosity..curiosity..Its truth again. What is in there and what is out here is one and the same. Reflection of perfection. Everything in life is mirrored. Principle of duality always wins. North and South..there is no difference..Civilizations bred..thoughts spread..it sprawled to a certain distance and then there is South. Civilization and thoughts..Its truth again. Never asks but always gives. Never shouts but always meditates upon we miser beings. We are always good but its the truth which is speaking. We really are misers shouting.

'It' says it best when 'it' says nothing at all...

'We' say it best when 'we' say nothing at all...Duality of life..we deal and truth deals..Its always duality.

Chase-tised and Kiln-ed...

How complex can things get?...

I mean..I can sit back at ease and always be a candy-go-guy with none threatening to bring down the multi-storeyed dreams I keep building. I can always don a charming hat and go merry-merry everywhere smoking Italian cigars. I can always laugh at the way the system is going on in our country. I can make a polemic remark against the system and be highlighted in the newspapers..Now...I wont die of illness or any accident. Instead, I will rise to fame in a few months and then be shot or slained at my place. Huh..Chastised and killed. A plain simple story.

My big bro says 'Only when you see such things happening, will you start to carve out the essentials for living life in a better way..'

He always says 'better way'..because he always believes you can never live the 'best way'..

He says 'Think of things which you dont wanna do'..
I say 'Why do you always get to that point..and its strange'

He says 'Strange words directs you so that you can steer your vehicle of life towards the right destination'

Can I relate this to whats happening right now..Its raining out here..Every drop descending down doesnt even know that I am sittin here and watching him. I tend to relate every thing to a person. It always gives me the feel that I am not alone who is facing all what is happening around me.

When you dream, you never know what is going around you. Every breath counts. Moments trigger moments. Big things become miniscule. Slow objects go at mach speeds. Assumptions are made. Decisions turn to rage. There is laughter and yelling talking at the same time.The sun never stops glowing. Hunger is reigning. Reasons become money and time becomes greed. Acts of felony goes unnoticed.

But everything is straight..There is gravity. Shadows remain shadows. Electrons are running through the wires. No issues..No actions..Its all strange..But strange things always guides you..Its all relative..

I soon realised 'better way' is always best than 'the best way'..because there is the word 'best' in between which till take care of the rest..

Every time..

My big bro, the timely 'time', always said 'Your worst adversary is always your best company'
How on earth could that be possible..seriously how on "earth"..
He retorts 'Dont you look at me now!!'..
Oh! that was pretty close..and also appealing..appealing only because he is always right..Well he is the only 'person' I ever knew speaking right things at the right time..

Exams are nearing and as always its the season of marriages..season of surprises..As it used to be and will always be, I have to fall in love with books..emotions of faith creep up..very soon I find myself marrying books..i totally see where this relationship is going..it gets cranky..overpriced..priceless!!

And then again..
I finally have to walk down the aisle holding the pen insulating the 'ink of attained knowledge' and let her drain it down articulately on the paper. They become the happiest couple. Nothing beats the pen, paper and their baby ink...My knowledge..their pleasure..But I am ultimately crowned the King of Torts!!

They really expect me to respect..I find myself enmeshed..I untangle myself and try to get out of it..
Oh Oh..My big bro swoops in..
'Dude..whats the matter with you..every moment of your life is beautiful..dont ruin it'
Ohhh..cliches dont work for me..they really dont..
I shoot back 'ohh..'I am just a kid..I dont understand what you say'
'Ohkk..you run a mile..a gift awaits..you run an extra mile..another gift awaits..this is how it works..'
'All you got to do is to run along that "running mile"'..

This is wonderful..Honestly..time and tide waits for everyone..tireless stalkers of noble knowledge..nothing beats them too..turning mud to gold..believable..but the transition from knowledge to wisdom is tricky and adventurous

I dont grasp in all of it..but surely think of grasping it..
silence please..
craa..craaaaaaaaaaaack..crrrr..trrrrr..dim___'May I come in?'
"Sure"
"Thanks..How many miles do I have to run to grab all the gifts?"
My big bro says.."Until you realise you have taken the road less travelled by.."
Wings of mind..Ventures of mind..

Strange but true..

There I am, standing and breathing. Everything around me is calm composed. Everything beyond me unknown.

Nothing is as fascinating as this. One look at the infinite space above..Clouds, stars and the moon. I take a few paces towards my right. One look at the infinite space above..I still see the clouds, stars and the moon.

This only reminds me of other people who are also residing under this blanket of countless stars. People who dont know if democray or dictatorship is ruling their country. People who just migrate from one place to another to escape the wars.

I always try to scale the depth of silence when in sleep.Everything just shuts down. Everything just diminishes into one single dark spot. There is nothing to illuminate this dark spot. You are just dropped there spiralling away into the cone of darkness. Down here, I feel nothing but gravity. I see nothing but rains filling the seas. I hear nothing but the wind talking to the trees. Sound of silence. Not practical. Not strange. But beautiful.

What I really saw was this. I saw a pastor sprinkling holy water on the divine-seekers. I saw a child weeping helplessly on the street. I saw fishermen risking their lives at the seas just to live. The world is infinite to a bum on the street. He doesn't curse the fat-cats, instead pities on them for not having realised that world is infact finite to them. I saw an exhausted Arab speaking to his camel. He says "If there is one place no one knows you, its the desert".

The moment I wake up, everything around me is still the same. And everything beyond me is still unknown. Nothing has changed. Just washed away filth of my dress. And there I am, standing and breathing. All I realize is that Dreams are dreamt. They are like candles which gives out light, but also melts down. Melts only to be lit again...
Strange but true..