Futbol

Surrounded by sea

As I take on the world

Reflections still, as cloudy as my day ends

notes I lose my memory to

I wake up confused

Confused I am

Always wanted to be surrounded by sea. Blogger has finally come up with some pretty good themes that suits my mood :) I remember Chauhan saying "I am dried out. Dont feel like writing anymore". Maybe I am dried out now. I feel like I have lost all the creativity (or watever) I had in me. Such a fucking foolish life. I am all comfy moving around and working, but the core energy in shutting my door and thinking alone is gone. Whoosh! There it is. Floating and dancing in the air.

Football is on. I feel so nostalgic in recollecting all those good memories I had playing in college. Getting up at 6. I would be one of the first to get up, shout, go sleep again, get up again, shout and wake everyone up. Some key moments come to my mind. First intra-college sports tournament in 2005 (if I am right). Our first match with 1st year juniors. We were leading 1-0 at half time. To our surprise they came back and the score was 2-1 just 10 mins before finish time. We had to do something. Jayant moved back to defence and I was up running in midfield. Luck favored us and we got a penalty kick. Throughout the tournament I had my toe fucked up. I couldn't give decent passes. Its a contact game, and my toe got hammered again and again. With a bad toe I was hoping sanjeev or jayant to take the penalty kick. But Nikhil insisted in me taking it. No idea how it worked, but it worked. I converted and we drew the match. Phew! Such a lively moment. Totally enjoyed it. We eventually went on to win the tournament. As defending champions we lost the second tournament :-) And finally in Jan2008, the first Inter-IIIT sports tournament was held. We lost to allahabad and jabalpur. Faced a lot of criticism.. hehe.

Essentially, we were a group of lads who learnt some good football through the years. Not the types you are watching in South Africa, but decent enough in our campus :P Enjoyed to the very core. I wish I could relive those moments. Just running with the ball. Its not contact anymore. Struggling to find time and guys like those in gwalior to play and be lively again. Its not a bad idea to gather in gwalior again and play a match or two. Now this would be crazy. But I love being crazy for moments like these.

As for fifa, Cannavaro is 36 now. But I love his defending. Gattuso is another favorite of mine. Great personality. I think spain and germany would be tough to break.

"Given to fly" - Pearl jam. All is well. :)

Thoreau!

"However mean your life is, meet it and live it: do not shun it and call it hard names. Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Things do not change, we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. God will see that you do want society"

 -- Thoreau

Untitled forever :)

{ If within the sophisticated man there is not an unsophisticated one, then he is but one of the devil's angels. As we grow old, we live more coarsely, we relax a little in our disciplines, and, to some extent, cease to obey our finest instincts. But we should be fastidious to the extreme of sanity, disregarding the gibes of those who are more unfortunate than ourselves. 

To speak impartially, the best men that I know are not serene, a world in themselves. For the most part, they dwell in forms, and flatter and study effect only more finely than the rest. 

It is for want of a man that there are so many men. }

-- Thoreau

4 months off this space. Never been away for so long. Thoreau is still keeping me busy :P And I am gradually losing interest in writing new things. I hope it will change.

2010

Earth, 6 billion km's away, snapped by Voyager I in 1990

"The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe , are challenged by this point of pale light."

-- Carl Sagan

So true. Voyager I is now 32 years old. It is estimated that it can keep communicating with Earth at least until the year 2025. Human marvels. I wish I could carry that pale-blue-dot in my backpack and travel the universe. Carl Sagan says 'the insignificance of our world in this vastness of space'.

I can think of nothing than this small quote by Sagan that best explains the momentum I would like to carry and set sail to reach unknown corners of my mind to pleasure and play with.

“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.”

Untitled

Ah.. I will begin with the lines "Eternal tussle of human heart"

Neon lights, flash bulbs, chai, cigarette, samosa

The vagaries of human emotions. Tiny chips of wood and dry leaves of yesterday fly about like angels with sparkling eyes. People say 'Crossroads of life'. A significant achievement during their brief life spent here is only stolen by nature as the embers slowly die and the dawn sits on the leftovers like vultures poking and ripping apart the dead flesh of their kind. I need to quote Thoreau here.

"I came into this world, not chiefly to make it good, but to live in it, be it good or bad"

Such randomness I seek. Words not matching and the meaning just left there to be interpreted like a tiger's mind. Spare not false assumptions, for they will guide you to correct assumptions. We believe there is a fantasy inside us that elevates our dormant mind and leaves us raw and naked surrounded by magical trees and strange waters. Our hands are equipped with sophisticated tools to cut open artificial fences and sneak into prohibited territories.

Thoreau says 'multum in parvo'. Big dreams reside in small tiny containers. Should there be a rat in my house, my gaze should not be that of trouble. Do not cross this para as the next ones are worse. Worse to the best of my knowledge. Step not into it. You may deviate or drink more whiskey just to wash away the coming words.

Moonlit verandah and a cosy chair. Every poet has a 'corner' world. My corner world is devoid of all nature's beauty. Urban living it is. I only see wallpapers or snapshots in flickr and roam into its dense rectangular space to form opinions.

"This world is a place of business. What an infinite bustle! I am awaked almost every night by the panting of the locomotive. It interrupts my dreams. There is no sabbath. It would be glorious to see mankind at leisure for once. It is nothing but work, work, work. I cannot easily buy a blank-book to write thoughts in; they are commonly ruled for dollars and cents" - Thoreau

Thoreau would have been devastated to see mankind dance like puppets to the music of war and missiles had he been alive today. Or am I being rude by describing the present circumstances as unjust? The principle point of my living is to make it better and more convenient as is the case with any person on this planet. Why do I then drift back and talk like a saint? I have to quote Einstein here: 'People who read a lot and use less brain fall into lazy habits of thinking'. Haha.. What a wonder. Cute dolphins, Money-giving-Casino's, Porno magazines, Football leagues, 3D movies. What a comfort! I will dare break my stupidity with a tinge of Thoreau's philosophical matter. "So far I am successful. But I foresee that if my wants should be much increased, the labor required to supply them would become a drudgery"

I should stop here. More assignments assigned. :)

Untitled

Who are we? Who we are
You are who, who you are

--Pearl Jam

Future Note

"I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt"

-- Before Sunrise(1995)

This moment.. right now.. A scattered thought. I may be a total loser a year or 5 years from now. But i want to look back and read this. "Do we stay together or be scattered?"

Bring out more albums Vedder! hehe.. What more can a lone wolf expect? Every puzzle is a puzzle still unsolved. Cheers :)

Wings of Mind

Such feats we have seen and wished to be in. When mind-torn, numb-legged athletes cross the 10000m finish line and realize that they don't get a medal. How little can my world be? Such little pleasures I seek, a dream within a dream, occasionally crossing the dusty border and feeling something different. Thoreau keeps my mind so flooded. Some of his finest words from 'Walden' -

"Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains. I would drink deeper; fish in the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars. I cannot count one. I know not the first letter of the alphabet. I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born. The intellect is a cleaver; it discerns and rifts its way into the secret of things. I do not wish to be any more busy with my hands than is necessary. My head is hands and feet. I feel all my best faculties concentrated in it. My instinct tells me that my head is an organ for burrowing, as some creatures use their snout and fore-paws, and with it I would mine and burrow my way through these hills"

"What is a course of history, or philosophy, or poetry, no matter how well selected, or the best society, or the most admirable routine of life, compared with the discipline of looking always at what is to be seen?"

"The indescribable innocence and beneficence of Nature,—of sun and wind and rain, of summer and winter,—such health, such cheer, they afford forever! And such sympathy have they ever with our race, that all Nature would be affected, and the sun’s brightness fade, and the winds would sigh humanely, and the clouds rain tears, and the woods shed their leaves and put on mourning in midsummer, if any man should ever for a just cause grieve. Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself?"

"I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society"

With this, Friday comes to an end. Monday soon comes, and I shall soon become a philosopher again!

I'll again say it "Love, Beauty, Madness, Fuck" :)

To steal is to love

heart unto heart
what i possess is a stolen heart
which is now a pendulum to your worries and doubts

"today will be an epic"
I murmer as the sun flirts with my eyes
each second is in a hurry
or are we really losing its charm that holds us to life?

to be into and to be itself
as art would unwind and show itself as art
as beauty would kiss beauty and say
"today will be an epic"

such careless minds have struggled
to express how love is vulnerable;
for each passing thought made its way
to letters and letters of love
that never reached the box
which the lover after a hard day
and a quiet siesta would open and read.
with such simple words written
"you are my epic"

a day is not a day anymore
to slowly weep through the hours
as one soul touched another
rushing seconds would gather inside my heart
and time pauses itself to greet
love, the greatest emotion ever known
all enchanting "this is an epic"

Untitled

Upon the clatter of a broken tile
All I had learned was at once forgotten.
Amending my nature is needless.
Pursuing the task of everyday life
I walk along the ancient path.
I am not disheartened in the mindless void.
Wheresoever I go I leave no footprint
For I am not within color or sound.
Enlightened ones everywhere have said:
"Such as this is the attainment."

Osho

Untitled again.. Maybe next time..

"Doubtless like all of us he was many men, turned on one or another of his selves as occasion required, and kept his real self a frightened secret from the world"

Will Durant

Am tired of all the fucking gossip. Let me do things. Don't fucking gossip dude.

Am a Fuckaholic, assoholic, shitoholic, "So I lay my head back down", Love, Beauty, Madness, Fuckkk.. Drunkaholic.. Shittt .. Pink Floyd-Time,Pearl Jam-Parachutes,Nusrat and Vedder - LongRoad, Beer, hard, soft, keyboard, shit, Am drunk!!!

Will Durant! Black, Sheets of empty canvas, Dream theater-Time cover, Blackfield-Someday, fucking face of the world, Taught her was everything, :) heheheheh, fuckkk.. dude am drunk..

Save me, savour me, shit that rhymes.. "What was everything", Blogger u r my fuckin friend. Twisted thoughts. thanks man.. Sunshine movie is good. danny boyle is a good director. Reignition.. .Repx file, work!!

Tattoed everything..

gnit..bye..I am drunk..but i know the font color.thts brown..

No title.. thts Untitled. Fuck it.. Its Untitled

seaside winds and desires I least thought of
art and joy, my soul where it takes me
surreal shades of objects that appear
like miracles of yesterday dim out
before the candle emanates a last breath of flame
before i could grab it and stop it
from venturing into twists and turns of
escaped thoughts which is in itself bounded
by the rules of this complex society
may those flowers pick its beauty from the sun
and dance along the slopes of the high terrain
covered by the mist of morning rain
a place we can never attach our vision to
our meek pleasures, Oh What can i say
sit on those decorated shelves of museums
where swords and scimitars lay shining

I am stuck here. Tired. No more thoughts. Enough! Cig please :)

Untitled again

Sunset shadow and Sunrise smile envy each other. Our life is like an allegory of broken phrases incomplete and feeble but suits the "quiet desperation" we live with. Our hands are cuffed and we are forced to watch our dreams collide with destiny and bounce back to reality. Who knows what dreams we hold. It is important that we publish our stories and let the dense world know that our meagre personalities have the strength to withstand angry winds and colder nights. War is a by-product of human stupidity. The sound of an incoming missile can neither distort nor rubbish the music inside your soul. This may sound like a load of crap, but I take for granted that everything is a pile of crap.

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high - piled books, in charact'ry,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And feel that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour!
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love;—then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think,
Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

John Keats

This is poetry. Beautiful as I see.

330 days without you

And now at once, adventuresome, I send
My herald thought into a wilderness:
There let its trumpet blow, and quickly dress
My uncertain path with green, that I may speed
Easily onward, thorough flowers and weed.

--John Keats--

Black coffee on the table. Geyser is on. Its 10.30 PM. He takes a hot shower and after a quick prayer retires to his bedroom for a long study of the day's events. Her picture is hung on the wall lining the table. Her messages, ring, walk and talk writ in his heart.

Poetry and letters. Every drop of ink used in history vanishes. This is one of the finest I have ever read. He picks out a sheet and writes 'Aug 8th 2009, 330 days without you'. Ahhh the world is so unfair.

distant souls unite to exchange secret messages
whispers of which travel to the horizon
and meet the fast flying birds
below is the ocean, blue and icy
so far away from the fumbles of daily dreams
carrying your love
oh lover, greet me
i kneel before silence
I have for so long wished for this moment

Untitled

I am talking about the least common denominator. A small bracket of mystery we all have in us. What is it? A warm blanket to sleep or a shot of vodka to numb our senses? With so much of dryness in me, I casually lit up a cigarette and vapour out those last thoughts of the day. My callous observations are wearing me down. Speed breakers hit me hard. My watch keeps banging the rod I am holding and soon It will stop. The tiny case breaks and I lose my energy. I have to get it nursed by a watch repairman. What time is it? Oh shit! Maybe that old man with more wrinkles than the roads in this city has a watch. Or maybe that other guy wearing a t-shirt that says 'Fcuk' has one. To my surprise, none. I reach my place. Its really silent except for a few stray dogs fighting and defending their territory.

Its 12:30AM ( I guess! ) and I feel like I am the only one awake in this wide wide mad mad world. Of those many splendid moments moving back and forth in my living memory, there lies a thought that 'shines like a crazy diamond'. I walk effortlessly and reach the corner of my street. I dare to reach my pocket, light a last one and fill the clean air with enough carbon to make Japanese innovators work harder.

The day we saw

The night we live in

A small mystery

we swallow to wet our lungs

and dry our mind

Life

I am nothing.
I will never be anything.
I cannot wish to be anything.
Bar that, I have in me all the dreams of the world.

May Nature be dissolved on my feverish head
Her sun, her rain, the wind that ruffles my hair,
And the rest, let it come if it must, it doesn't matter.

We have conquered the whole world before leaving our beds.
But we were awakened and it was opaque,
We rose and he was strange to us
We left the house and it was the whole world,
And also the Solar System, the Milky Way and the Indefinite...

Fernando Pessoa (The Tobacco Shop)

Null World

Sea, earth, air, sound, silence.
Plant, quadruped, bird,
By one music enchanted,
One deity stirred,--Each the other adorning,
Accompany still;
Night veileth the morning,
The vapor the hill.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Highway blues

Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!

- Pink floyd

Last saturday was memorable. Tripathi with his automata theory was really fun. Experiencing every state of life and leaving the rest to 'Khuda' :) Pinkfloyd and DevD ruled the night, or atleast I thought these songs were played in heavy rotation :P I was all high :) Highway ride was really cool. It was 'somewhere in the middle of nowhere'. The rain gave us the thrill. We were infact celebrating our dear friend Ramesh's b'day with him sleeping like a pig all night :)

Another usual week ahead. Really really looking forward to 'code crunching' :) Sigh!

When history was made

My hunger for knowing 'History as I never knew' will go on. How fascinating it really is. It will take me light years to understand all the elements these tiny palms hold. Hunting for food, deceiving for greed, uprooting civilizations, establishing kingdoms, letting dogs feed on the entrails of human flesh, gun powder easily injected into human system, abolishing laws, embracing swords and what not. Need I worry about them?

The incipit of the text 'Instructions of Shuruppak', a part of ancient Sumerian literature regarded as one of the oldest scriptures, reads

"In those days, in those far remote times, in those nights, in those faraway nights, in those years, in those far remote years"

'Diamond Sutra', the earliest printed book containing Buddhist verses, has these lines

Thus shall you think of this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream,

A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,

A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.

Study says, the birth of humanity took place in East Africa. People migrated and populated other continents. The first proto states emerged in Mesopotamia and along Indus river. History is magic.

When will it stop. Yesterday's, today's and tomorrow's seconds will fade away sometime. The sun is not here to stay very long. In about 5 billion years, it will turn into a very large red monster engulfing all planets leaving just dust behind. And we are in a perfect age. Facebook, Twitter, Google, Nokia, Toyota, Microwave ovens, Levi's jeans, Space shuttles, F-22 raptor, Stealth missiles, Alcohol and Poverty+Hunger+Ignorance.

It is all magic. Squeezing everything out of this vast timeline can cause mental harm. Be at peace. :)

Triumph

Sunny days are coming to an end(or atleast I suppose they are!). As much as I hate walking on damp murky road to reach office just in time, I just feel good when its raining! Glistening drops of rain take comfort on my rugged and brownish skin, and before it carries away my sweat to the ground more drops hang down my eye brows like a chain of monkeys hanging down from the branches of a tree. Wetting my hands and fingers, they run hurriedly to reach earth and be greeted by earthworms so anxiously waiting to come out.

As I read 'Life of Pi', I seem to associate every adventure and trauma so grandoisly elaborated by Yann Martel to the current events the world is witnessing. 'Air France' just falling from the sky and the ocean happily gobbling it up thus swallowing all evidence is one of the things I am following very keenly. It might be the speed sensors or radar defect or lightening breaking the plane into two chunks or as some people say 'This is called fate'. How far shall we go. How can we be sure that new technology taking birth every day can insulate us from all troubles and more importantly 'Mother nature'. I would definitely say 'When you have a match box, why use stones'. 'Cast Away', another similar reel story is coming back to me time and again.

So many things have been written and said. Opinions agreed or disagreed. Hypothesis, theorems, axioms proved or disproved. What remains to be done is not known. So we keep digging. Lets do that.

'To run away from all social connections' has become a hot topic among my friends :) Are we taking inspiration from cinematic experiences like 'Into the wild' 'Cast Away' 'Motorcycle diaries'? May be! Or is this a result of our lazy dumb asses not getting enough work? May be!Procrastination? May be! Or are we really tired of everything? May be! My temperament is fixed. No issues about that. Mal-adjusted and socially distorted mind juggling with too many puzzles and thoughts that are vaguely associated with what I do. My good friend Jose a.k.a Bobby a.k.a 911 a.k.a disaster management team head would say with quick frustration :D 'Dude, note down my new address and designation'

Super altitude Meditator
To become a modern Valmiki
Crates of Royal stag and cartons of cigarettes
Thick beard (of course!)
Atop Himalayas - ######
for the rest of my fucking life :)

I will continue to sit before this LCD - 9hrs a day - for some more time before joining him up there - if he ever goes - and attain Nirvana and Pari-Nirvana. To be drunk and sober at the same time.

More of our interesting conversations will follow. Peace be upon us who dare to think beyond skyscrapers and posh malls :)