A side of me

that sense of detachment I fear
that sense of liberation I crave
alarms if I am uninvited to me

that shallow guilt precedes that enfolded quest
that few and that very I love
that many and that all I don't understand
still don't reach me
and does not become mine

that everything which inflates
that nothing which dwindles
that magic which ain't a mystery
that story which ain't real
that spat which breaks
that promise when broken

that room with no sound
that sound with no lilt
that face with no smile
that smile with all contempt
that humor with no laughter
that laughter with all sarcasm

the able and the defeated
have learned and made and traded
all glory and all pain
still dark, still tainted

everything is a pause
everything is a hold
uninformed and faded
and running like a wounded soldier

mine which is not yours
me who is not you
say if its false
and nod if its true

I only wait to see if it happens
So I join and clap
for everything I lost
and everything I gained