Wings of mind

I am really

2012-01-23T23:31:00.001+05:30

Pissed off. Never been this mad. Educated bastards having no sense of the world. Dogs r better. How foolish of them to believe in absurd religious shit! Fuck u man n Fuck religion n every act associated with it . We r young to be dragged into it. Second time am facing it. I really pity them. U r unlucky. I knw tht for sure. I am gonna thump u down if I ever see your sad shit face.

I Feel sorry for u. Am helpless.. but yes good things are in store for u. U will see. Patience will always pay off. Cheers.

Someone or Something

2012-01-17T13:01:00.000+05:30

You came running to me

Why this rush lady?

A friend of mine is lost in Upanishads. And I ask him what is the truth? "That is for you to figure out".

These plain rocks which take in the sea. Of them, I sit on one and take the lashing. It felt really good. Now I am back to the city.

I am looking deep down. I slide in a rope to bring out the creative me. And I fear it will be the same 20 years down. The rope still left in the dark and I find myself with no energy to hold it.

"I woke to the sound of drums

The music played, the morning sun streamed in

I turned and I looked at you

And all but the bitter residue slipped away...slipped away" - A Great Day for Freedom

Day 1 - Sunrise running

2012-01-10T20:00:00.002+05:30

1.6 KM - this is after a gap of about 3 years! I have to credit myself :P

Was a bit rough but the good thing is I was not left gasping for breath! I stilllllll have it. Good sign. I just have to be patient and see how long this goes. 10K is the initial target. Have to gun this by Feb end.

But yes, Nicotine is still hanging around. I feel like a gutless, shameless asshole for having taken to it again after all the inner preaching :P. It doesn't work. "Keep quitting and you will quit". Lets see

Work is drab, drab, drab. My mind flutters, flutters, flutters. And I say, quit quit quit. And I say, Run Run Run.

So many emotions quarrel in a congested mind. All that is left is something called "Will". Such a shit it is.

God! I feel hungry. One thing I fear is the concept of Cafes in Hyderabad which is soon fading out to history. Its all about kfc or mcD or many such stupid places. I need my regular chai and a couple of tie biscuits every now and then.

Old is always Gold.

Run and Cycle 2012

2012-01-03T16:51:00.001+05:30

It is here finally. World coming to an end shit has already started. Well I don't care. Anyways, I am now quite determined to kick the butt :-) I am definitely going to miss it, but I guess its for the best that I leave that habit behind. Time to run and cycle.

Run and Cycle.

Run and Cycle fucker.

Get high running and cycling. Get tooo high. I have done it before. Will do it again. I need that. I need that air and I need that energy again. To regain what is lost. To leave behind the drama and all the nonsensical stuff inside my head. Clean it out. Freshen up. Look forward and actually do it.

A great book by my side. 'Its not about the bike' by Lance Armstrong. He says, "When you cycle for 2500+ miles over a period of 20 days. When you peddle up a mountain that rises at 20degrees for every 10 feet. You lose your conscience. White snow turns black. As my friend said - I still see the sky even after my house is burned down"

Yeah. That is correct. To just make this small wish of mine happen is the topmost priority. To just run and cycle every now and then. Cheers!!

Untitled

2011-12-21T13:16:00.000+05:30

Its a strange feeling.

I am finding it hard to describe where I am today. I don't wanna sound depressing, because I am not :) Its a confusing cloud. Floating up above me.

People around are calling me an Alcoholic. It is unsettling at night :D

I remain a residue hiding at the bottom of the ocean. Quarterlife crisis as mentioned in one article. OK. A fresh year coming up and as again its time for resolutions. It never fructifies but yeah costs nothing to write down.

Being fit and agile is my topmost priority. I have to swing. I have to run. Get high just running. Just one resolution thats all :-)

Live, celebrate and have a good time.

Sideways

2011-11-03T16:27:00.002+05:30

From a choir. And then from a chair. The roots and how they were shining. The stones. With what we are made. I had a distant dream of setting my soul to sing and dance. The curious shine and the roots. So pure and so calm.

How unusual it is for me to be in Love. I opened the doors. All the years got jammed and it did open. Made a strange sound. The one I never heard. The one I always longed to hear. The one I only dreamt about.

A crystal of Splendor. I am tired again :)

______________________________________________________________

What is it about Wine? Maya in 'Sideways' says

"I like to think about the life of wine. How it's a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline. And it tastes so fucking good"

On the same lines..

"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?" -- Charles Bukowski

Mylo Xyloto

2011-10-24T16:57:00.004+05:30

Here it is again. From one of the most talented groups - Coldplay. I must admit that this release is less explosive than VivaLaVida, but nevertheless its the "Iceberg" voice (as my friend Suraj opines) that I am after. This makes it very cool.

"Through chaos as it swirls
It's us against the world"

We need a picture. Some random gestures. From a mile away, I need someone waving at me. We need an Image makeover. The option to believe that things will get simple. There is no congestion. In about a month, I will be 26. Officially declared as an Uncle! No regrets as of now. I have what I love the most. Maybe, as the days pass by things may get crooked. But "we gotta do what we gotta do" ;-)

At peace..

The Balance

2011-09-12T14:04:00.000+05:30

Too much of everything is bad. I need fresh air. Too much of stress on my mind is creating problems. I definitely need "THE BALANCE".

Starting today, I will say NO to my menial desires. This state sucks. Never be on the border line. Why make it confusing and complicated. Lets just say "Every problem has a solution"

To any dumb asshole who comes up to me and says "Well, not all problems have solutions" - Fuck off. In all my practical existense, there never was a problem which didn't have a solution. Its very simple.

Music and broken notes

2011-08-24T17:08:00.004+05:30

The urge to explore has never gone down. Soul music is what I am after. It is not a genre, but music that keeps you sane.

Seven Mary Three - Cumbersome, Rodrego
Pearl Jam - Release, Garden

Eddie Vedder is the best. I must have said this like a zillion times. He is now above everything in music for me. He completes everything. And I for sure will always follow his tunes and his voice. So much is written but none of it has been published. I thought now would be a good time to post whatever has been left incomplete. I have no clue how they came out. I must admit, I have written these lines when I was tired, frustrated, angry and idle. Fuck it.

Daylight brushes of a calm morning
I rushed to the window to find the beauty in you
the sight which kept me in existence
for all the years that my soul travelled
washed away those split moments

what I dreamnt, what I became
__________________________________

for want of living, life is given
can I actually live this life then?

as the dawn and dullness of yesterday
flew over my head to embrace this sad inside
my soul at that tick of time grew happy
as the dusk and fullness of tomorrow
erased everything I carried

why then my soul disturbs me at night
when only the tides get stronger
and the rest get to pleasure deep slumber
I sit up and fight with my own might

all time the sun is down
my thoughts just get deeper and deeper
accompanied by the lady of mist with her sharp frown
_________________________________

Like stars on earth
Like music on earth
Like the last shadow of sadness
Like the mix of bliss from yesterday
Like my own self

_________________________________

let all birds flap their wings

when you open your eyes

let the clouds give way to the moon

when you lift your gaze to the skies

let the wind sweep your tears

when a white horse passes by you

let the ground be decorated with ice crystals

when your foot leaves a print of the past

and when I come, along the silent street

shall we walk, holding hands

and getting dissolved in a different world

till our memory slowly fades away into nature's own hand

when the wind stops and the moon disappears

we will part only to be united again by Nature's blessings

_______________________________

drive me to the immortal sea

where light from sun and sound from within make a common plea

as i rest my heart upon yours

may the sea be turned into a garden of flowers

lay by me, be my song

be my ecstasy, my color, my book

your breath locks mine

and we spiral down into an abyss of unknown dreams

________________________________

Happy new year 2011

2011-05-09T18:22:00.001+05:30

Long time. Pretending to be busy is so fucking mean. The truth is I am not. And yet I get sucked up into this pathetic situation called 'Busy'. Horse shit. Who the fuck am I to be busy. What does it mean anyway. Lies and Lies and just lies. Vow, I feel better now :)

Richard in 'The Beach' says "The only downer is, everyone's got the same idea. We all travel thousands of miles just to watch TV and check in to somewhere with all the comforts of home, and you gotta ask yourself, what is the point of that?"

Its true, what is really the point? Cant we allow ourselves to experience the primitive modes of life. It is now more of "Likes","Pokes" and "Breakfast updates".

When I go up the counter and buy cigarettes, the lady asks "How old are you"?

I am now into the G-Chord and still the same strumming pattern. Move forward!

One of the cleaners resigned. She got pissed off. I am now pushing hard to keep the house clean and the walls "Blue". Fuck I cant even roll out Zeppelin poster.

What is struggle? For an ordinary office goer, even a bus ride from Secunderabad to Begumpet is a struggle. He will not admit this. Such is our endurance.

I always say something stupid. People get hurt sometimes. Shouldn't I be more careful? Improve man. Don't be a sucker. You got only one life and that's the truth.

Why do people talk about politics anyway? No vote, no talk. Please.

"For mine is a generation that circles the globe and searches for something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it." -- The Beach.

Hyderabad

2010-12-15T13:17:00.001+05:30

Silver jubilee. No big achievements, just following, just moving. Someone special presented me a box guitar! This came as a big surprise for me, as I always wanted to learn and play guitar. With no hard pressing thoughts, I guess my biggest resolution would be to learn it now :). Exciting.

Ankit recommended few songs from Coke Studio and I am totally into it. Aik Alif, Hor Vi Neevan Ho, Nigah-e-Darwaishaan. Beautiful music. Especially these lines from Aik Alif

Bas ik karee oh yaar ilumu
Stop seeking this knowledge (of the world) my friend
Bas ik karee oh yaar ilumu
Stop this seeking my friend

I had an interesting conversation with him. He says "If you are more ambitious, you will never find happiness. Keep your ambitions low". Makes good sense. Simple and neat.

Back to Hyderabad and I love this city. I was deprived of Noise,Crowd,People the last 3 months. Realized that I actually belong here. To be among the crowd, the sweltering heat, Police challan, bargaining, Chai, Samosa and all the bustle that this city has. I dont have a driving licence, but still I can manage to get through to any corner in this city :) All the bad things written and said and exaggerated about India is true. But life is connected here. We value that. We move on. Its true that ours is the only country where you will find a 27 storey hi-tech residence, which is valued at over a billion dollars, and find a refugee camp style slums just a few yards away. And its not a refugee camp, its where people live.

Jo na janay
One who doesn't know...
Haq ki taqat
The strength of truth
Raba na deway us ko hemat
God won't give them the strength -- aik alif

Wings of Desire

2010-11-23T20:38:00.001+05:30

There are films which have a spark. That spark which calms your senses, and fires few moments which ignite a keen sense of emotional unity in your mind. You just know and feel it. Abandon all your chores, sit back and take comfort in knowing that the world is in no hurry. If time ticks, let it tick. For all I know, time is just another label stuck to our lives. Damn.

Wings of Desire is one such movie. When the most natural feelings are said or put down in words, it creates a different world. We relate each emotion to our own and savor it. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. The lead role played by Bruno Ganz is quite a treat to watch. The following conversation between Damiel and Cassiel is rich, innocent and what I refer to as art

Damiel: It's great to live by the spirit, to testify day by day for eternity, only what's spiritual in people's minds. But sometimes I'm fed up with my spiritual existence. Instead of forever hovering above I'd like to feel a weight grow in me to end the infinity and to tie me to earth. I'd like, at each step, each gust of wind, to be able to say "Now." Now and now" and no longer "forever" and "for eternity." To sit at an empty place at a card table and be greeted, even by a nod. Every time we participated, it was a pretense. Wrestling with one, allowing a hip to be put out in pretense, catching a fish in pretense, in pretense sitting at tables, drinking and eating in pretense. Having lambs roasted and wine served in the tents out there in the desert, only in pretense. No, I don't have to beget a child or plant a tree but it would be rather nice coming home after a long day to feed the cat, like Philip Marlowe, to have a fever and blackended fingers from the newspaper, to be excited not only by the mind but, at last, by a meal, by the line of a neck by an ear. To lie! Through one's teeth. As you're walking, to feel your bones moving along. At last to guess, instead of always knowing. To be able to say "ah" and "oh" and "hey" instead of "yea" and "amen."

Cassiel: Yeah, to be able, once in a while, to enthuse for evil. To draw all the demons of the earth from passers-by and to chase them out into the world. To be a savage.

Damiel: Or at last to feel how it is to take off shoes under a table and wriggle your toes barefoot, like that.

Beautiful as I read. There are so many beautiful lines like these in the movie. Amazing.

Untitled on a Monday

2010-11-15T21:16:00.001+05:30

I dont know what to write. It is this act of doing nothing that scares the hell out of me. What the fuck is going on in my mind. Why am I not able to do what i really want to do. Another irrelevant life? No i don't want that. Just breathing and living lies. With all the cliches, prejudices, condescending stares. I am just living. Or am i just existing?

"rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth". Thoreau, Into the wild stuff.

Its time to breathe. There is no focus in life. I have to break all social barriers to set straight my goals.

"Such is the passage of time, too fast to fold" - Rise by Eddie Vedder. I am drunk in his songs. How many hearts resonate to his vocals? Millions. Such influence. Simple words, amazing voice and he kills with his songs. ahhh..

"The theory of Moral sentiments" by Adam smith. Just read few passages in that book online, and it seems to be the most appropriate book for me. Plain truth. I should buy that book and read it twice thrice. And Walden by Thoreau. Respect for his works. Maybe i will just spend my life reading them. Their mind. Their character. Maybe it will infuse some reality in my otherwise dormant mind.

"Careers are 20th century invention" - into the wild

2 years, 5 months, 13 days

2010-10-28T16:46:00.002+05:30

2 years, 5 months, 13 days have gone by since my last day in college. Moved on with life.

Coffee has to be hot. Curry has to be super spicy. Omelette should just be the way I like. I hate butter and ghee and milk.

How much can I take of this world? Can we start over and do what is right? Back in college, I used to be angry at many things. Such a messed up place we are living in. 2 years on and that anger subsided. More with the herd now. Inch by inch moving forward. I have no idea what is in store for me. I just light a cigarette, have 'special chai', take the elevator, get back to work.

Underground 'Jantha' bar. Fish and whiskey. I am waiting for it.

I want to be a rebel. Chasing my own instincts. I am too young to be tired soon. I am not, although I feel like.

New Religion

2010-09-23T20:55:00.001+05:30

This morning no sound but the loud
breathing of the sea. Suppose that under
all that salt water lived the god
that humans have spent ten thousand years
trawling the heavens for.
We caught the wrong metaphor.
Real space is wet and underneath,
the church of shark and whale and cod.
The noise of those vast lungs
exhaling: the plain chanting of monkfish choirs.
Heaven's not up but down, and hell
is to evaporate in air. Salvation,
to drown and breathe
forever with the sea.

-- Bill Holm

A Poem: Untitled

2010-08-16T19:04:00.000+05:30

what power fries my senses
such fiery clouds and such strong winds
i am unmoved
i greet you, let me in
in those hurried moments
let our fingers be tied into a knot
let nature be given our love
for its anger and strength
let our love, freedom and bodies melt and become water
let nature be given our love
let us reach the sea and be unnoticed by the sailors
forever we go up and down the shore
when nature seeks us
we shall form and function as we always did
resting on the other side of the angry world
calm, sensitive and sublime

Civilization

2010-07-08T16:43:00.000+05:30

"Hence a certain tension between religion and society marks the higher stages of every civilization. Religion begins by offering magical aid to harassed and bewildered men; it culminates by giving to a people that unity of morals and belief which seems so favorable to statesmanship and art; it ends by fighting suicidally in the lost cause of the past. For as knowledge grows or alters continually, it clashes with mythology and theology, which change with geological leisureliness. Priestly control of arts and letters is then felt as a galling shackle or hateful barrier, and intellectual history takes on the character of a "conflict between science and religion." Institutions which were at first in the hands of the clergy, like law and punishment, education and morals, marriage and divorce, tend to escape from ecclesiastical control, and become secular, perhaps profane. The intellectual classes abandon the ancient theology and-after some hesitation- the moral code allied with it; literature and philosophy become anticlerical. The movement of liberation rises to an exuberant worship of reason, and falls to a paralyzing disillusionment with every dogma and every idea. Conduct, deprived of its religious supports, deteriorates into epicurean chaos; and life itself, shorn of consoling faith, becomes a burden alike to conscious poverty and to weary wealth. In the end a society and its religion tend to fall together, like body and soul, in a harmonious death. Meanwhile among the oppressed another myth arises, gives new form to human hope, new courage to human effort, and after centuries of chaos builds another civilization."

-- Will Durant

Futbol

2010-06-15T15:50:00.000+05:30

Surrounded by sea

As I take on the world

Reflections still, as cloudy as my day ends

notes I lose my memory to

I wake up confused

Confused I am

Always wanted to be surrounded by sea. Blogger has finally come up with some pretty good themes that suits my mood :) I remember Chauhan saying "I am dried out. Dont feel like writing anymore". Maybe I am dried out now. I feel like I have lost all the creativity (or watever) I had in me. Such a fucking foolish life. I am all comfy moving around and working, but the core energy in shutting my door and thinking alone is gone. Whoosh! There it is. Floating and dancing in the air.

Football is on. I feel so nostalgic in recollecting all those good memories I had playing in college. Getting up at 6. I would be one of the first to get up, shout, go sleep again, get up again, shout and wake everyone up. Some key moments come to my mind. First intra-college sports tournament in 2005 (if I am right). Our first match with 1st year juniors. We were leading 1-0 at half time. To our surprise they came back and the score was 2-1 just 10 mins before finish time. We had to do something. Jayant moved back to defence and I was up running in midfield. Luck favored us and we got a penalty kick. Throughout the tournament I had my toe fucked up. I couldn't give decent passes. Its a contact game, and my toe got hammered again and again. With a bad toe I was hoping sanjeev or jayant to take the penalty kick. But Nikhil insisted in me taking it. No idea how it worked, but it worked. I converted and we drew the match. Phew! Such a lively moment. Totally enjoyed it. We eventually went on to win the tournament. As defending champions we lost the second tournament :-) And finally in Jan2008, the first Inter-IIIT sports tournament was held. We lost to allahabad and jabalpur. Faced a lot of criticism.. hehe.

Essentially, we were a group of lads who learnt some good football through the years. Not the types you are watching in South Africa, but decent enough in our campus :P Enjoyed to the very core. I wish I could relive those moments. Just running with the ball. Its not contact anymore. Struggling to find time and guys like those in gwalior to play and be lively again. Its not a bad idea to gather in gwalior again and play a match or two. Now this would be crazy. But I love being crazy for moments like these.

As for fifa, Cannavaro is 36 now. But I love his defending. Gattuso is another favorite of mine. Great personality. I think spain and germany would be tough to break.

"Given to fly" - Pearl jam. All is well. :)

Thoreau!

2010-06-02T19:42:00.001+05:30

"However mean your life is, meet it and live it: do not shun it and call it hard names. Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Things do not change, we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. God will see that you do want society"

-- Thoreau

Untitled forever :)

2010-05-19T15:00:00.003+05:30

{ If within the sophisticated man there is not an unsophisticated one, then he is but one of the devil's angels. As we grow old, we live more coarsely, we relax a little in our disciplines, and, to some extent, cease to obey our finest instincts. But we should be fastidious to the extreme of sanity, disregarding the gibes of those who are more unfortunate than ourselves.

To speak impartially, the best men that I know are not serene, a world in themselves. For the most part, they dwell in forms, and flatter and study effect only more finely than the rest.

It is for want of a man that there are so many men. }

-- Thoreau

4 months off this space. Never been away for so long. Thoreau is still keeping me busy :P And I am gradually losing interest in writing new things. I hope it will change.

2010

2010-01-15T17:56:00.003+05:30

Earth, 6 billion km's away, snapped by Voyager I in 1990

"The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe , are challenged by this point of pale light."

-- Carl Sagan

So true. Voyager I is now 32 years old. It is estimated that it can keep communicating with Earth at least until the year 2025. Human marvels. I wish I could carry that pale-blue-dot in my backpack and travel the universe. Carl Sagan says 'the insignificance of our world in this vastness of space'.

I can think of nothing than this small quote by Sagan that best explains the momentum I would like to carry and set sail to reach unknown corners of my mind to pleasure and play with.

“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.”

Untitled

2009-12-18T12:51:00.001+05:30

Ah.. I will begin with the lines "Eternal tussle of human heart"

Neon lights, flash bulbs, chai, cigarette, samosa

The vagaries of human emotions. Tiny chips of wood and dry leaves of yesterday fly about like angels with sparkling eyes. People say 'Crossroads of life'. A significant achievement during their brief life spent here is only stolen by nature as the embers slowly die and the dawn sits on the leftovers like vultures poking and ripping apart the dead flesh of their kind. I need to quote Thoreau here.

"I came into this world, not chiefly to make it good, but to live in it, be it good or bad"

Such randomness I seek. Words not matching and the meaning just left there to be interpreted like a tiger's mind. Spare not false assumptions, for they will guide you to correct assumptions. We believe there is a fantasy inside us that elevates our dormant mind and leaves us raw and naked surrounded by magical trees and strange waters. Our hands are equipped with sophisticated tools to cut open artificial fences and sneak into prohibited territories.

Thoreau says 'multum in parvo'. Big dreams reside in small tiny containers. Should there be a rat in my house, my gaze should not be that of trouble. Do not cross this para as the next ones are worse. Worse to the best of my knowledge. Step not into it. You may deviate or drink more whiskey just to wash away the coming words.

Moonlit verandah and a cosy chair. Every poet has a 'corner' world. My corner world is devoid of all nature's beauty. Urban living it is. I only see wallpapers or snapshots in flickr and roam into its dense rectangular space to form opinions.

"This world is a place of business. What an infinite bustle! I am awaked almost every night by the panting of the locomotive. It interrupts my dreams. There is no sabbath. It would be glorious to see mankind at leisure for once. It is nothing but work, work, work. I cannot easily buy a blank-book to write thoughts in; they are commonly ruled for dollars and cents" - Thoreau

Thoreau would have been devastated to see mankind dance like puppets to the music of war and missiles had he been alive today. Or am I being rude by describing the present circumstances as unjust? The principle point of my living is to make it better and more convenient as is the case with any person on this planet. Why do I then drift back and talk like a saint? I have to quote Einstein here: 'People who read a lot and use less brain fall into lazy habits of thinking'. Haha.. What a wonder. Cute dolphins, Money-giving-Casino's, Porno magazines, Football leagues, 3D movies. What a comfort! I will dare break my stupidity with a tinge of Thoreau's philosophical matter. "So far I am successful. But I foresee that if my wants should be much increased, the labor required to supply them would become a drudgery"

I should stop here. More assignments assigned. :)

Untitled

2009-11-18T23:41:00.000+05:30

Who are we? Who we are
You are who, who you are

--Pearl Jam

Future Note

2009-11-13T23:54:00.002+05:30

"I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt"

-- Before Sunrise(1995)

This moment.. right now.. A scattered thought. I may be a total loser a year or 5 years from now. But i want to look back and read this. "Do we stay together or be scattered?"

Bring out more albums Vedder! hehe.. What more can a lone wolf expect? Every puzzle is a puzzle still unsolved. Cheers :)

Wings of Mind

2009-10-23T14:04:00.003+05:30

Such feats we have seen and wished to be in. When mind-torn, numb-legged athletes cross the 10000m finish line and realize that they don't get a medal. How little can my world be? Such little pleasures I seek, a dream within a dream, occasionally crossing the dusty border and feeling something different. Thoreau keeps my mind so flooded. Some of his finest words from 'Walden' -

"Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains. I would drink deeper; fish in the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars. I cannot count one. I know not the first letter of the alphabet. I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born. The intellect is a cleaver; it discerns and rifts its way into the secret of things. I do not wish to be any more busy with my hands than is necessary. My head is hands and feet. I feel all my best faculties concentrated in it. My instinct tells me that my head is an organ for burrowing, as some creatures use their snout and fore-paws, and with it I would mine and burrow my way through these hills"

"What is a course of history, or philosophy, or poetry, no matter how well selected, or the best society, or the most admirable routine of life, compared with the discipline of looking always at what is to be seen?"

"The indescribable innocence and beneficence of Nature,—of sun and wind and rain, of summer and winter,—such health, such cheer, they afford forever! And such sympathy have they ever with our race, that all Nature would be affected, and the sun’s brightness fade, and the winds would sigh humanely, and the clouds rain tears, and the woods shed their leaves and put on mourning in midsummer, if any man should ever for a just cause grieve. Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself?"

"I had three chairs in my house; one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society"

With this, Friday comes to an end. Monday soon comes, and I shall soon become a philosopher again!

I'll again say it "Love, Beauty, Madness, Fuck" :)

To steal is to love

2009-10-06T11:01:00.002+05:30

heart unto heart
what i possess is a stolen heart
which is now a pendulum to your worries and doubts

"today will be an epic"
I murmer as the sun flirts with my eyes
each second is in a hurry
or are we really losing its charm that holds us to life?

to be into and to be itself
as art would unwind and show itself as art
as beauty would kiss beauty and say
"today will be an epic"

such careless minds have struggled
to express how love is vulnerable;
for each passing thought made its way
to letters and letters of love
that never reached the box
which the lover after a hard day
and a quiet siesta would open and read.
with such simple words written
"you are my epic"

a day is not a day anymore
to slowly weep through the hours
as one soul touched another
rushing seconds would gather inside my heart
and time pauses itself to greet
love, the greatest emotion ever known
all enchanting "this is an epic"

Untitled

2009-09-30T10:28:00.000+05:30

Upon the clatter of a broken tile
All I had learned was at once forgotten.
Amending my nature is needless.
Pursuing the task of everyday life
I walk along the ancient path.
I am not disheartened in the mindless void.
Wheresoever I go I leave no footprint
For I am not within color or sound.
Enlightened ones everywhere have said:
"Such as this is the attainment."

Osho

Untitled again.. Maybe next time..

2009-09-12T23:53:00.003+05:30

"Doubtless like all of us he was many men, turned on one or another of his selves as occasion required, and kept his real self a frightened secret from the world"

Will Durant

Am tired of all the fucking gossip. Let me do things. Don't fucking gossip dude.

Am a Fuckaholic, assoholic, shitoholic, "So I lay my head back down", Love, Beauty, Madness, Fuckkk.. Drunkaholic.. Shittt .. Pink Floyd-Time,Pearl Jam-Parachutes,Nusrat and Vedder - LongRoad, Beer, hard, soft, keyboard, shit, Am drunk!!!

Will Durant! Black, Sheets of empty canvas, Dream theater-Time cover, Blackfield-Someday, fucking face of the world, Taught her was everything, :) heheheheh, fuckkk.. dude am drunk..

Save me, savour me, shit that rhymes.. "What was everything", Blogger u r my fuckin friend. Twisted thoughts. thanks man.. Sunshine movie is good. danny boyle is a good director. Reignition.. .Repx file, work!!

Tattoed everything..

gnit..bye..I am drunk..but i know the font color.thts brown..

No title.. thts Untitled. Fuck it.. Its Untitled

2009-09-09T16:24:00.003+05:30

seaside winds and desires I least thought of
art and joy, my soul where it takes me
surreal shades of objects that appear
like miracles of yesterday dim out
before the candle emanates a last breath of flame
before i could grab it and stop it
from venturing into twists and turns of
escaped thoughts which is in itself bounded
by the rules of this complex society
may those flowers pick its beauty from the sun
and dance along the slopes of the high terrain
covered by the mist of morning rain
a place we can never attach our vision to
our meek pleasures, Oh What can i say
sit on those decorated shelves of museums
where swords and scimitars lay shining

I am stuck here. Tired. No more thoughts. Enough! Cig please :)

Untitled again

2009-08-19T19:41:00.002+05:30

Sunset shadow and Sunrise smile envy each other. Our life is like an allegory of broken phrases incomplete and feeble but suits the "quiet desperation" we live with. Our hands are cuffed and we are forced to watch our dreams collide with destiny and bounce back to reality. Who knows what dreams we hold. It is important that we publish our stories and let the dense world know that our meagre personalities have the strength to withstand angry winds and colder nights. War is a by-product of human stupidity. The sound of an incoming missile can neither distort nor rubbish the music inside your soul. This may sound like a load of crap, but I take for granted that everything is a pile of crap.

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high - piled books, in charact'ry,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And feel that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour!
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love;—then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think,
Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

John Keats

This is poetry. Beautiful as I see.

330 days without you

2009-08-11T15:04:00.003+05:30

And now at once, adventuresome, I send
My herald thought into a wilderness:
There let its trumpet blow, and quickly dress
My uncertain path with green, that I may speed
Easily onward, thorough flowers and weed.

--John Keats--

Black coffee on the table. Geyser is on. Its 10.30 PM. He takes a hot shower and after a quick prayer retires to his bedroom for a long study of the day's events. Her picture is hung on the wall lining the table. Her messages, ring, walk and talk writ in his heart.

Poetry and letters. Every drop of ink used in history vanishes. This is one of the finest I have ever read. He picks out a sheet and writes 'Aug 8th 2009, 330 days without you'. Ahhh the world is so unfair.

distant souls unite to exchange secret messages
whispers of which travel to the horizon
and meet the fast flying birds
below is the ocean, blue and icy
so far away from the fumbles of daily dreams
carrying your love
oh lover, greet me
i kneel before silence
I have for so long wished for this moment

Untitled

2009-07-29T17:15:00.007+05:30

I am talking about the least common denominator. A small bracket of mystery we all have in us. What is it? A warm blanket to sleep or a shot of vodka to numb our senses? With so much of dryness in me, I casually lit up a cigarette and vapour out those last thoughts of the day. My callous observations are wearing me down. Speed breakers hit me hard. My watch keeps banging the rod I am holding and soon It will stop. The tiny case breaks and I lose my energy. I have to get it nursed by a watch repairman. What time is it? Oh shit! Maybe that old man with more wrinkles than the roads in this city has a watch. Or maybe that other guy wearing a t-shirt that says 'Fcuk' has one. To my surprise, none. I reach my place. Its really silent except for a few stray dogs fighting and defending their territory.

Its 12:30AM ( I guess! ) and I feel like I am the only one awake in this wide wide mad mad world. Of those many splendid moments moving back and forth in my living memory, there lies a thought that 'shines like a crazy diamond'. I walk effortlessly and reach the corner of my street. I dare to reach my pocket, light a last one and fill the clean air with enough carbon to make Japanese innovators work harder.

The day we saw

The night we live in

A small mystery

we swallow to wet our lungs

and dry our mind

Life

2009-07-15T14:08:00.002+05:30

I am nothing.
I will never be anything.
I cannot wish to be anything.
Bar that, I have in me all the dreams of the world.

May Nature be dissolved on my feverish head
Her sun, her rain, the wind that ruffles my hair,
And the rest, let it come if it must, it doesn't matter.

We have conquered the whole world before leaving our beds.
But we were awakened and it was opaque,
We rose and he was strange to us
We left the house and it was the whole world,
And also the Solar System, the Milky Way and the Indefinite...

Fernando Pessoa (The Tobacco Shop)

Null World

2009-07-09T14:33:00.002+05:30

Sea, earth, air, sound, silence.
Plant, quadruped, bird,
By one music enchanted,
One deity stirred,--Each the other adorning,
Accompany still;
Night veileth the morning,
The vapor the hill.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Highway blues

2009-06-23T16:14:00.004+05:30

Come on you target for faraway laughter,
come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!

- Pink floyd

Last saturday was memorable. Tripathi with his automata theory was really fun. Experiencing every state of life and leaving the rest to 'Khuda' :) Pinkfloyd and DevD ruled the night, or atleast I thought these songs were played in heavy rotation :P I was all high :) Highway ride was really cool. It was 'somewhere in the middle of nowhere'. The rain gave us the thrill. We were infact celebrating our dear friend Ramesh's b'day with him sleeping like a pig all night :)

Another usual week ahead. Really really looking forward to 'code crunching' :) Sigh!

When history was made

2009-06-11T16:16:00.006+05:30

My hunger for knowing 'History as I never knew' will go on. How fascinating it really is. It will take me light years to understand all the elements these tiny palms hold. Hunting for food, deceiving for greed, uprooting civilizations, establishing kingdoms, letting dogs feed on the entrails of human flesh, gun powder easily injected into human system, abolishing laws, embracing swords and what not. Need I worry about them?

The incipit of the text 'Instructions of Shuruppak', a part of ancient Sumerian literature regarded as one of the oldest scriptures, reads

"In those days, in those far remote times, in those nights, in those faraway nights, in those years, in those far remote years"

'Diamond Sutra', the earliest printed book containing Buddhist verses, has these lines

Thus shall you think of this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream,

A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,

A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.

Study says, the birth of humanity took place in East Africa. People migrated and populated other continents. The first proto states emerged in Mesopotamia and along Indus river. History is magic.

When will it stop. Yesterday's, today's and tomorrow's seconds will fade away sometime. The sun is not here to stay very long. In about 5 billion years, it will turn into a very large red monster engulfing all planets leaving just dust behind. And we are in a perfect age. Facebook, Twitter, Google, Nokia, Toyota, Microwave ovens, Levi's jeans, Space shuttles, F-22 raptor, Stealth missiles, Alcohol and Poverty+Hunger+Ignorance.

It is all magic. Squeezing everything out of this vast timeline can cause mental harm. Be at peace. :)

Triumph

2009-06-08T12:18:00.004+05:30

Sunny days are coming to an end(or atleast I suppose they are!). As much as I hate walking on damp murky road to reach office just in time, I just feel good when its raining! Glistening drops of rain take comfort on my rugged and brownish skin, and before it carries away my sweat to the ground more drops hang down my eye brows like a chain of monkeys hanging down from the branches of a tree. Wetting my hands and fingers, they run hurriedly to reach earth and be greeted by earthworms so anxiously waiting to come out.

As I read 'Life of Pi', I seem to associate every adventure and trauma so grandoisly elaborated by Yann Martel to the current events the world is witnessing. 'Air France' just falling from the sky and the ocean happily gobbling it up thus swallowing all evidence is one of the things I am following very keenly. It might be the speed sensors or radar defect or lightening breaking the plane into two chunks or as some people say 'This is called fate'. How far shall we go. How can we be sure that new technology taking birth every day can insulate us from all troubles and more importantly 'Mother nature'. I would definitely say 'When you have a match box, why use stones'. 'Cast Away', another similar reel story is coming back to me time and again.

So many things have been written and said. Opinions agreed or disagreed. Hypothesis, theorems, axioms proved or disproved. What remains to be done is not known. So we keep digging. Lets do that.

'To run away from all social connections' has become a hot topic among my friends :) Are we taking inspiration from cinematic experiences like 'Into the wild' 'Cast Away' 'Motorcycle diaries'? May be! Or is this a result of our lazy dumb asses not getting enough work? May be!Procrastination? May be! Or are we really tired of everything? May be! My temperament is fixed. No issues about that. Mal-adjusted and socially distorted mind juggling with too many puzzles and thoughts that are vaguely associated with what I do. My good friend Jose a.k.a Bobby a.k.a 911 a.k.a disaster management team head would say with quick frustration :D 'Dude, note down my new address and designation'

Super altitude Meditator
To become a modern Valmiki
Crates of Royal stag and cartons of cigarettes
Thick beard (of course!)
Atop Himalayas - ######
for the rest of my fucking life :)

I will continue to sit before this LCD - 9hrs a day - for some more time before joining him up there - if he ever goes - and attain Nirvana and Pari-Nirvana. To be drunk and sober at the same time.

More of our interesting conversations will follow. Peace be upon us who dare to think beyond skyscrapers and posh malls :)

3 Column tic-tac Blue

2009-05-30T21:06:00.003+05:30

Yes.. a new template giving a refurbished look to my blog. With deep respect I bid goodbye to Harbour, who ruled all these years. I hope to write more frequently, because honestly I feel rejuvenated every time I open my page.

So many issues bouncing off my head right now. Salman Khan's dus ka dum :D, LTTE members arrested with cyanide capsules hung around their neck, (India,Ireland,Bangaldesh) in one group!, 'Turtles can fly' - really good movie, Yann martel in 'Life of Pi' saying Muslims are bearded Hindus & Christians are hat-wearing Muslims & Hindus are hairless Christians, Lionel Messi's header in the Champions league final (god! that was brutal), a distant friend of mine in Kerala saying 'I will stop taking drinks.. Meditation is the path for salvation (I have plans for him:P)', my spam mail offering me 'Hot comics with celebs' and finally 3 column tic tac blue:)

Evolution

2009-05-26T22:59:00.005+05:30

Religion is a symbol to me. I think I mentioned this before. To any person questioning me about the sanctity of the world.. I say 'Go to Hell'. The quote below does not reflect my anger towards the everyday chaos nor does it force me to believe in Evolution. I have very little idea about evolution and other aspects of Darwinism, but I genuinely respect Attenborough's opinions, considering that he is a widely respected naturalist. But this definitely does put me in a position where I can frame my own opinions about our existence, which can be as simple as getting up and going to work or pondering over the consequences of our actions. Let our imaginations rule!

"My response is that when Creationists talk about God creating every individual species as a separate act, they always instance hummingbirds, or orchids, sunflowers and beautiful things. But I tend to think instead of a parasitic worm that is boring through the eye of a boy sitting on the bank of a river in West Africa, [a worm] that's going to make him blind. And [I ask them], 'Are you telling me that the God you believe in, who you also say is an all-merciful God, who cares for each one of us individually, are you saying that God created this worm that can live in no other way than in an innocent child's eyeball? Because that doesn't seem to me to coincide with a God who's full of mercy"

David Attenborough

Ahh words..

2009-04-26T13:58:00.001+05:30

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

God Appears & God is Light
To those poor Souls who dwell in the Night,
But does a Human Form Display
To those who Dwell in Realms of day.

William Blake - Auguries of Innocence

I want to write
I want to write the songs of my people.
I want to hear them singing melodies in the dark.
I want to catch the last floating strains from their sob-torn throats. I
want to frame their dreams into words; their souls into notes. I want to
catch their sunshine laughter in a bowl;
fling dark hands to a darker sky
and fill them full of stars
then crush and mix such lights till they become
a mirrored pool of brilliance in the dawn.

Margaret Walker - I want to write

Equation of Life

2009-04-24T23:01:00.003+05:30

An equation like this makes me crazy! Fuck that.. Life is not Calculus. Neither is it a programming language. It is not a concept to study.

Now this is cool... All time classic 'Black' by pearl jam. This is the equation of life. You are my hero.

Astronaut photography

2009-04-12T23:09:00.005+05:30

As viewed from outer space.. City at night. Absolute bliss.. The streets of Japan(Internet umbrella's, get wet and still surf your way out.. thts Japan) use mercury-vapor lighting and the Mexican view below is due to sodium-vapor lighting. Little pearls on this much dreaded podium called Life :)

British astronomer Sir Fred Hoyle stated, "Once a photograph of the Earth, taken from outside, is available - once the sheer isolation of the Earth becomes known - a new idea as powerful as any in history will be let loose."

Sources: Astronaut Photography
Earth Observatory - Nasa

8 fragments for Kurt Cobain

2009-04-06T23:14:00.005+05:30

(Art by Cobain: Scary but mature)

This little piece titled '8 fragments for Kurt Cobain' by Jim Caroll (The Basketball diaries) really moved me. I have always wanted to know this. In fact all rock stars who had ruined their lives by taking into drugs (It looks cool but now that they are gone I want more of them)

But Kurt...
Didn't the thought that you would never write another song
Another feverish line or riff
Make you think twice?
That's what I don't understand
Because it's kept me alive, above any wounds

he ends by saying

That is always the cost
As Frank said,
Of a young artist's remorseless passion
Which starts out as a kiss
And follows like a curse

Yeah Cobain.. cocaine I get it! Anyways he might still be entertaining God up there.. Way to go man..

______________________________________________________

Further back and forth, a wave will break on me today
And love,... Wish the world could go again with love
One can't seem to have enough
And war,... Break the sky and tell me what it's for
I'll travel there on my own
And love,... What a different life
Had I not found this love with you

Parachutes - Pearl Jam

P.S - http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/8-fragments-for-kurt-cobain/

The soggy bottom boys!

2009-03-27T00:11:00.004+05:30

I believe in face-to-face talk, 'cause you see I am a man of deep principles. So 'uck mobiles and its by products... Who am I kidding? Its a lame excuse (I lost my cell sometime back.. :))

I celebrate by listening to The Soggy Bottom Boys.. I love this song!

I am a man of constant sorrow
I've seen trouble all my day.
I bid farewell to old Kentucky
The place where I was born and raised.
(The place where he was born and raised )

For six long years I've been in trouble
No pleasures here on earth I found
For in this world I'm bound to ramble
I have no friends to help me now.

(chorus) He has no friends to help him now

Maybe your friends think I'm just a stranger
My face you'll never see no more.
But there is one promise that is given
I'll meet you on God's golden shore.

(chorus) He'll meet you on God's golden shore.

Oh Poesy! for you I grab a pen

2009-03-26T16:44:00.005+05:30

Stop and consider! life is but a day;
A fragile dew-drop on its perilous way
From a tree's summit

And can I ever bid these joys farewell?
Yes, I must pass them for a nobler life,
Where I may find the agonies, the strife
Of human hearts

Is there so small a range
In the present strength of manhood, that the high
Imagination cannot freely fly

Sleep and Poetry - John Keats

The summer's flow'r is to the summer sweet,
though to itself it only live and die

Sonnet 94, Shakespeare

The humour that life is

2009-03-04T22:01:00.003+05:30

"Nor permanent identity, nor idea of a person, nor of being alive, nor of a time of existence" - (From the cover of 'The Cost' by The Frames)

Society -- cough! cough!

Sometimes I get so lost and so happy. The way I fall in love with something makes me so damn happy. Music plays a very long role. Eddie vedder with his 'Love reign over me' tone, or Bono with his latest 'to sleep the night shooting out the stars', or James hetfield getting his lungs out with 'Why can't I forgive me'.

I discovered something weird about myself. I am not sure if this applies to everyone! :) 10 mins with a girl and hormones start rushing. Up, down, left, right. Well I swear this rock music thing is fucking my mind up. I have this imaginary band called 'Violet Elements' (I don't care..), and this pretty girl comes up to me and says 'What the hell does Violet Elements mean'? Me being an arse said everything. 10 mins and god! I feel like am falling in love with her. She is so impressed. And I am lost. Fuck!! And I keep thinking how good it is to talk about something you love. And I miss her so much. This is not the first time (second time though :))

Strolling along the beaches of yore
with the songs I just played
and you kept listening
you kept listening

I better be a dumb coward in hiding! Can you believe that. Its better this way.

Rock scene in India

2009-02-18T23:55:00.004+05:30

Maktub from Motherjane has raised the bar up further.. Indian rock scene is truly grand. No labels around. Well 'uck the labels. Bands are going indie these days and coming up with some truly awesome compositions. 'Kashmir' from Agni is by far the best rock song to come out in India ( Led zeppelinism). Pin drop violence, Zero, Junkyard groove are amazing. Vinapra from bangalore (Hindi rock) is awesome. Indus creed has always been good. The happening act is fusion. Violin, tabla and keyboards rule. Coming out of mainstream music scene takes guts, and these guys have it. Prestorika, PDV are heavy. And heavy it is. Heavy!! Superb

What is more interesting is their diverse backgrounds. Investment banker (new Agnee vocalist), MSc in Microbiology (Raghu dixit) and many more working in corporates regularly jam and make people crazy! Good stuff..

With many albums in the pipeline, the rock scene looks really great. Can't wait to catch some of them live..

The lost world

2009-01-07T22:36:00.004+05:30

Happy new year to everyone. My friends from Gwalior - cool dudes forever. My best buds Bobby, Suraj and Kuttu (Hyd and kerala)

Few things cross my mind. Poesy, War and war, Poesy and War again

One war ends and another begins. At sunrise you get a view. At sunset you get a view, albeit a different one. Broken violins, perforated black boards, golden dust inside a burnt shoe, deserted streets, business at complete halt. Carnival of carnage. Third world violence a page turner for first world enthusiasts. At this point I have to quote Einstein.

"I am convinced that God does not play dice". If only its true.

The old man said 'I am old'. The rest say 'Go get groceries. War is on'. Rest is me. Me within me. Capsuled and colored.

_________________________________

Discovered gold. Few letters. A poet at heart. How can I come to terms with one who has been so structured and hard to face when all of a sudden I find his youth so adventurous. Love is a powerful weapon. Addressing letters to his 'lady love', calling her 'My eve'. Time changes everything. A complete change of character. Is this for real?

Never shared a joke and yet soft spoken. Now that time played a few tricks, be my friend, my guide, my god. This world is too huge and too grand. Everything moves too fast. From the dirt comes beauty. I will stick to this thing.

These lines will remain with me. Your youth with me now. Let me admire your writings.

'pester me with your unfeigned love'

'How is it R - in this self confidence of love, I have hope that my dearest one will hold candle with me without paddling her own canoe, Selfless - Sacrificing - Without bowing to the fragile charms of the world. Love is to love - not only in word but in deed too. This is love R. What do you say. Two loves should become one and clasp and make it to rise to its greater heights - There lies the charm and highest pleasure. Not in hiding love my dear'

Dad, 1st Jan 1983 in a letter to my mother

Am I not one among millions chosen to pluck the lucky of luckiest
Oh! how could it be - when would it be
Is it in the New Year 1983.

Dad. My Friend, My Guide, My God

Boney M

2008-12-12T15:27:00.002+05:30

My father used to listen to this song all day.. rewind play rewind play.. like a zillion times.. awesome song.. moody but really soothing..

See the stars come joining down from the sky
Gently passing they kiss your tears when you cry
See the wind the summer blow your hair upon your head
See the rain, the falling rain, it's great
Still i'm sad

All my sounds my tears just fall into days
They are driving the night will find they are lost
Now i found the wind is blowing time into my heart
When the wind blows hard we are apart
Still i'm sad

See the stars come joining down from the sky
Gently passing they kiss your tears when you cry
See the wind the summer blow your hair upon your head
See the rain, the falling rain, it's great
Still i'm sad

Still i'm sad
Oh heart, i'm sad
Still i'm sad
Oh heart, i'm sad
Boney M - Still I'm sad

Breathe

2008-08-16T13:55:00.003+05:30

Now you see, i would wait.. wait till all the butterflies go to sleep and have nocturnal dreams. You see what you have never seen and wonder how it happened. The coaster broke and the wind broke my windowpane. How did it happen? Or the politics of fear. One of those special moments you watch on television. Airplanes dropping food packets over ill-fated Afghanistan. Arundhati roy says 'does it not hurt the pride of a human being to hunt for scattered food and in the process getting shot by the taliban and stripped of all your wealth'. Big issues, big things. How can we choose to ignore all this. We are here to stay. Maybe all the belief systems should be changed. Oh that would mean changing the world map!

this moment till it lasts
i look at my watch
time would blow itself, i know
in a few hundred seconds
now my diverging dreams speak
little things, big things
we are here to stay

Viva la Vida

2008-07-14T15:34:00.002+05:30

I feel so inundated.. Such a void inside my head, i'd rather run away to nowhere! Well, Coldplay's new album is out and is rocking all charts.. 'Viva la Vida' is awesome. Experimental work paid off. The title track carries with it the bands creative work, not to mention that it is the second fastest selling album in UK.

'Reign of love' is rendered in a very romantic way. Tops my playlist

Reign of love
I can’t let go
To the sea I offer
This heavy load

Locusts will
Lift me up
I’m just a prisoner
In a reign of love

Locusts will
Let us stop
I wish I’d spoken
To the reign of love

Reign of love
By the church, we’re waiting
Reign of love
My knees go praying

How I wish
I’d spoken up
Or we’d be carried
In the reign of love.

Adios IIITM

2008-05-15T16:45:00.005+05:30

Exit is just a few hours away. How should i feel? What should i do? 5 years in this college.. now left with 5 fuckin hours.. I am so so glad to know many of the guys who were like strangers to me during my initial years.. It is just so good. Does this have to end? Starting tomorrow, i should be back to bed early.. no dhaba.. no labs.. (well the comm sys lab was like BELL labs to me.. :-)) no 'smoke groups', no more silly gossiping, no more soccer & TT, no more FORT sessions (I loved it.. even though it was a jus a wastage of time, it was awesome), no more crazy partying (last night was super cool.. ) ,no more majors and minors, no more photocopy business (5 years -- photocopy - Rs 731/- heheh )and no more friends to talk abt senseless stuff..

5th year was the craziest year of my life. I have had so much fun and learning.. Jus cannot forget all those discussions with chauhan, fort sessions with unniyal, silly arguing with ankur, great soccer moments with sanjeev,alok,pajji,nikhil,santosh, and also the entire AP clan of 2nd flr wing.. We rock.. lets rock again.. ultimate music session with dhruv a few nights back.. hehe.. u went crazy..!!

Yea yea.. am jus making myself feel better by saying 'Nothing lasts forever' baby..!! Its true.. Just don't think anything.. board the train.. leave.. jus leave.. My throat is getting choked writing this.. 5 years in this place was legendary.. Lets try to make the coming life the same..

As johney quoted in his blog "To a trained mind, parting is another new journey"

Eddie vedder, kurt cobain, A R Rehman still mean a lot.. they r super cool

"So let's take the good times as they go And I'll meet you further on up the road" -- Bruce springsteen

Adios amigos.. i hope we cross paths in life.. No more isolation.. All the very best..

Music heroes

2008-04-28T01:03:00.007+05:30

“Rock is so much fun. That's what it's all about - filling up the chest cavities and empty kneecaps and elbows.” -- Jimi Hendrix

My personal rock stars. My first love in this college. My way to get high. I never felt alone knowing I am in the company of soothing but aggressive vocals, guitars and drums. My personal music heroes

Eddie vedder - No 1 on my list.. Unbelievable voice. Great charisma and also quite awesome! He once wiped his ass with a rolling stone magazine onstage as his picture was put on the cover without his permission.

Thom Yorke - Creativity unlimited. So cool. 'In Rainbows' is their best album. I just can't get enough of them.

Chris martin - He married a sex bomb. But still we r on good terms!! :P

Layne Staley - Why did he have to die?

Kurt Cobain - Why did he have to die?

Jimmy page - No match to his guitar skills..

Chris Cornell - Super cool. Why did he leave 'Audioslave'

let this land crumble down into tiny pieces of monosyllables
i still have the power to extend my hand
why do we talk about fate and destiny?
i just know i have the power to change everything

I just wish I get a chance to see eddie vedder play live! sometime in future.. :)

Where is my source?

2008-04-25T16:18:00.005+05:30

how i know what is strange
before i save it from extinction
give me a peace sign
so i can hang it on my door

can i be at peace
knowing i have a pen to write
and a book to read
closing all shutters which threaten
to annihilate my own feelings

my life is but a glossary
indicating all supple movements of the past
as i face the present
to counter my judgements of the future

winter fog and summer dust
two companions i dance with
now a runaway recluse
but when i find my source
i will disappear

what shape was it?
when i felt i could touch
but i feared it would melt
and flow away from me
ahhh it burned me
just once i wanted to crash into it
and feel the pain of satisfaction
just once.. where is it?

where is my source? just once..

Mine to yours

2008-04-01T04:12:00.005+05:30

This one almost made me cry. A mail my dad sent to me back in 1st yr

'Was there any ragging in your college. Have you taken off mustache due to ragging? Or was it a friendly suggestion by Seniors. Do let me know. I will buy a new shaving kit for you' - Fri, 15 Aug 2003

New found glory!

2008-03-31T01:41:00.001+05:30

Final day of another month. 30 days have gone by without my attention. We grow wise by each passing day. Elements of perished moments keep haunting me at night. I am just an event driven system. I gauge my calibre every now and then. All these things push me harder and harder into a principle based realm. The basic principles I ought to follow pushing aside others opinions. Here I lay.

My final days in college, and I pick up new passions. Latest in the town is Nusrat fateh ali khan. Chauhan introduced me to his music about 15 days ago. Extensive reading about his life, music and his mesmerizing influence all over the world blowed me away. One connection between Nusrat and Eddie vedder. I am in heaven. They contributed to the soundtrack of 'Dead Man Walking'. Amazing music. Amazing voice. Its just amazing. New found glory!

Simple enough

2008-02-26T10:39:00.004+05:30

Like thin smoke from the ash of 'my' cigarette disappearing into the Grey background in random directions, my mind wanders and puzzles itself in connecting sporadic emotions that I may say are inconclusive and unabiding in all forms; spare my recollection as they are few. Its hard to summarize, what? Everything I see. 437 pages of a novel, half filled bottle of water, my benevolent winter jacket, 3 cigarettes arranged triangularly, sun-bathed banana peels which appear like coloured geckos, spider webs silently decorating the interiors of my room. These are just a few. Our emotions are very random; atleast I believe so. Do we really profess to having a least bit of discomfort? They stimulate us to satisfy them. Thats a good job eh?

I think we should just explode. What can come out? blood mixed organs or noxious lies or informative secrets which were for so long buried under the hood of speculative stupidity. I'd rather open before everything closes. I follow where my foot takes me to.

a sunny day, as bright as i could see
this rise, same as yesterday, all i am is free
the sound, of which i hear some
fast and rhythmic, where from they come?
the hustle and bustle, this and that folklore
canaries of the south, away from the sea shore
trickery by the eastern sorcerer
invasion by the western conqueror
a quick splat from the muted gongs
the priests sat and sang their songs
standing in unison we clap we frown
watching the emperor descend down

Lost in translation

2008-02-15T17:19:00.000+05:30

a quarter of your laughs
and half of my drum beats
tween your gaze and mine
its just a sullen dream

What does it take to say 'I feel found' ? I am real with music in my head. I am real when I play. My physical balance speaks the truth. I am real when I sleep. I am real when I write. All talks around me appears dreary and incomplete. I would rather be termed a vagabound with all the comforts. I'm blind, so I don't react. I'm not sure what to make of myself. With just 2 months remaining before the college saga ends, the purpose remains a mystery. A beehive with no honey heh..

Its just the music which is keeping me and her close. A base I rely upon. I try to think less of it, 'cause you know its stupid. Or maybe I think its stupid! I hate stale thinking, just like these with no direction.

Hell with it. 'Never use your brain when you don't react'. The spellcheck continues. Just like honey! Lost in translation

the bottle with my note reaches the shore
should i let in
a beam of million faces
i can then forgive the most cruel
and rejoice in the delight
of the most beautiful

?????

2008-01-31T23:50:00.000+05:30

I get high when I put my body through some physical strain like soccer or tt or anything. Thought this would help me start running..

"We are different, in essence, from other men. If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon."

- Emil Zatopek, 1952 Olympic Marathon gold medalist

Snow no?

2008-01-25T16:41:00.000+05:30

heroic birds on twisted twigs
green anthems fragment my nonchalance
cutting my breath into tiny stories
the whole life becomes a mirage
snow white pebbles i collect
and rich, tough thorns i dread
distant bridges stitching those disconnected
all worth a dime dig out jewels

Snow in Baghdad after about 100 yrs! NYtimes says, "A welcome change of conversation for the Iraqis"

Hidden resolutions!

2008-01-09T00:50:00.000+05:30

A very happy new year to everyone; grandma's, grandpa's, orphans, patients, singers, athletes, children, all my friends and my best buds Jose, Suraj and Shibu from hyd!

occurred twice, disapproving random dreams
deception flaring up, burying my sensual conscience
a molecule and an umbrella
swapping my spades with an extra drop of whimsical misery
courteous jittery with ice topping to make it look red
and because everything is just an illusion
I tame and turn frightening boundaries

I love all souls; everything is beautiful; just enjoy
I really hope so :)

January, here I come

2007-12-28T12:38:00.000+05:30

I don't quite understand how things move fast. Or is this because of me being slow? Why do i feel homesick even after spending 5 years in this college? I always feel lost and moody the moment i board the train back to Gwalior. But in no time i get back to my own world where i take comfort in little surprises that lay before me, be it good or bad! I cannot explain the period i suffered from minor injuries that kept me out of soccer action. But no big depression on that part. Every thing's fine now.

We guys are finally leaving to Shimla today to spend new year eve. So to everyone, have a great finish to this year. January, here i come!

I just love this song. Enjoy

Starry nights, city lights
Coming down over me
Skyscrapers, and stargazers
In my head
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are
The waiting unknown
This dirty town was burning down in my dreams
Lost and found city bound in my dreams

And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting

Forget me nots and second thoughts
Live in isolation
Heads or tails and fairytales in my mind
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting unknown
The rage and love,
The story of my life
The Jesus of Suburbia is a lie

And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
Ohh..
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting
Ohh..
Are we, we are,
Are we, we are the waiting

Green day

Crazy :)

2007-11-30T18:27:00.000+05:30

found this on Postsecrets

Love at first sight!! :D

Permutation in music.. this is amazing - Longplayer

Fractured lines

2007-11-30T18:19:00.000+05:30

I was so pissed off one day and this was the outcome!! No harm intended :D

"In all time and blood
I see nothing but pain and regret

My self being the source of wind
my fist talks and my mind preaches
till my blood evaporates
and my skin burns down
to nothingness

I wriggle like a worm
and my eyes blink like a snake
its poison all over me
waiting to inflict pain on others
and drain out all flesh and blood

My teeth speaks evil
plucking all known side
of humans breeding on this planet
like reckless soul awaiting
its turn in HELL"

ps: the word 'blood' is mentioned thrice!! heheh & this was about a month back in hyd

:-)

2007-11-24T01:16:00.000+05:30

Its been a tiring 2 weeks for me.. not getting out of bed because of my sprained ankle really tested my senses.. but now I can walk again, but of course with a lil difficulty.. but its nothing compared to my friend Kushwah's injury.. "we all have our times - gud/bad " :))

We enter a new phase
where the most prevalent phenomenon
protrudes & crystallizes to shape you
As in intentionally groping in the dark
to touch everything that shines
and feel the physical existence
which otherwise is unattainable
to you and human reach

We enter a new phase
where method and logic pervades
the ever known ill-fated junk
of retributive dialogues within you that
starts to knock all doors in your mind
and you begin to prove your self love
and try to sell to one religion, one belief
one word, one principle, one second
we all adhere to in an uncontrolled
fashion to the highest degree of turmoil

Is this right?

2007-11-22T01:45:00.000+05:30

one minute ecstasy, one inch relief
one step forward, one love grace
is this what I am after?
memories getting unlocked
what is done is being undone
all seasons, all strings
every hour, untitled prayers
untoward events, mixed feelings
rush of wishes which remain in my throat
bold directions, that region
that ends before it begins
marsh glow, harsh blow
stable and the brown horse
grass and the white rabbit
its better; seek beauty, no redemption
you contradict your own thoughts
land and the spin around us
hopping and circling the all
and you never believe the thing before your eyes
until you hear it say "it's true"

Ulrich Muhe

2007-11-10T23:02:00.000+05:30

Friedrich Hans Ulrich Mühe who played the lead role of Gerd Wiesler in The Lives of Others, 2006 expired due to stomach cancer this July.

I am so moved by his performance in this movie.. Amazing personality as a whole.

Bring me down

2007-10-18T14:56:00.000+05:30

a golden flash, jolts sent so down
i recieved with my strongest guts
intuition and speculation slapped me twice thrice
and so untidy it is, i could hardly see the other end
my fist to the ground, and it is just that small contact
i can instead cut my will with that glass sabre
and scream so hard so harsh
the dust sucks up my covert desires
and the wind smashes down my uncooked cliches
so i become a fearless blade with less questions
and i hear no more answers


Heading home for a while! No smoking/drinking zone :( Anyways its
been 6 months.. so always refreshing!! C u guys.. hv a gud time

No nonsense!

2007-10-09T13:42:00.000+05:30

Took my first keyboard lessons from Sandeep. It is just that stupid excitement of me and chenna to blast our minds and be future Chris martin and Axl Rose!!! (we idolize these 2 personalities). Not to mention his guy Freddie mercury and my guy Eddie vedder. Superb vocalists.

Frequent visits to ICH for coffee in the morning and Coffee day in the evening adds to our not-to-get-bored package!! There are many things to do, but still killing time. Its football time again. 'uckin everybody at 6 am to get their asses off the bed. Oct 1st was our first match. Really enjoying each moment of the play. Watched Breach the other day. Chris cooper always gives that stunning performance. Just love that guy :P

I almost stopped eating NV, and its hard but am doing great. My schedule is again balanced. Sleeping at nights and awake all day (like a normal person..hehe) I donno when it will turn upside down again!! :D Cutting down on the cigs/day. I don't know what made me start smoking again after staying simple for a year in Hyd. Well Bangalore saga had a lot to do with it.. Lets just not blame , but it really is.. Anyways feels good again! :P

when home is just a few paces away
i knew i had to leave my true self behind
my fear crosses my imagination
my thirst to grab anything that comes my way
takes birth again and i begin to relive my past

those bits are reconstructed and
it breaks away all my regrets
i take something more and leave nothing less
i breathe some peace and fight all my boundaries
my water is that ice again
all old is now new again
i never got tired
everything kept rolling

i woke up and i find
home is just a few paces away

Incomplete

2007-09-30T02:36:00.000+05:30

those seconds of infinite possibility
my veil, my empty rhapsody

every big man a tiny decay
pastures, blue or yellow or green?
afterthoughts, now or then?
all unknown, blinded by
my veil, my empty rhapsody

but i bear to change that doesn't change

listen to every word and avoid all conjectures
play to every tune and escape all troubles
craft all emotions and remove all stains
breathe all if's and foil those but's

lay by me, show that glare
colour me, don't be blue
shuffle my cards, be my fete
glue my extra to your prologue

knock that is gone
spin that exists, touch that feels
keep which fits, throw that fails
be lost, but swim back again

build those infamous melodies
and run past them, be insane
be mad, be a fool, create a show
nothing hurts, just be that love

use that sieve to separate
that frosts, that kills
with your fist that chooses
which to break and which to make

is anything too much?
yes that which is coarse
no that which is delicate
nothing hurts, just be that love

keep your opinion, keep your motto
my drums, my words, my pick, my stand
cast away, but be my whole song
just show your love and that is my epilogue

lay by me, show that glare
and i will remove
my veil
i will change
my empty rhapsody

A side of me

2007-09-21T04:07:00.000+05:30

that sense of detachment I fear
that sense of liberation I crave
alarms if I am uninvited to me

that shallow guilt precedes that enfolded quest
that few and that very I love
that many and that all I don't understand
still don't reach me
and does not become mine

that everything which inflates
that nothing which dwindles
that magic which ain't a mystery
that story which ain't real
that spat which breaks
that promise when broken

that room with no sound
that sound with no lilt
that face with no smile
that smile with all contempt
that humor with no laughter
that laughter with all sarcasm

the able and the defeated
have learned and made and traded
all glory and all pain
still dark, still tainted

everything is a pause
everything is a hold
uninformed and faded
and running like a wounded soldier

mine which is not yours
me who is not you
say if its false
and nod if its true

I only wait to see if it happens
So I join and clap
for everything I lost
and everything I gained

At times

2007-09-15T04:59:00.000+05:30

Maybe everyone is insecure in this 'uckin world. Nothing changes at your will or maybe you need to push harder to get things done the way you desired! Crapped up profanity, insanely corrupting our envious souls and constantly giving that condescending look which I may say is disfiguring our very thoughts and notions which were to make this world a better place. But then we are all a part of this drama. And am nowhere too. Maybe I get a chance to do my part.

Am not keeping a count of cigs am burning, and thats bad! Really missing my bro these days. That bastard is one hell of a guy. Staying awake all night and sleeping like a pig all day :-) I gotta change my schedule man. Biological imbalance is dangerous. 'uck the rules. I don't know why. Feels good to watch the sunrise and be attached to reality for a while.

Not able to figure out what is addictive in life. Cigs, Music, Books or Love? Thought I was in love last summer, but its nothing. The way we connected was awesome. All the while I kept thinking 'oh my 'uckin god, am not dressed well, rugged hair and not clean shaven! I better go and come back neat. That would atleast make an impression. Girls like that.. or do they?' But nooo, made up my mind not to fall for others ideas! All this apart, she liked me. I liked her. Was really very close, but dint have the bolts to take the next step. I don't know if am happy about that. But I feel ok!

'uckin jaded in life. But determined to make it better. I really can. Thats the bottomline. Time for another fag. Chillll :-)

Orhan Pamuk

2007-07-16T22:41:00.000+05:30

"A writer is someone who spends years patiently trying to discover the second being inside him, and the world that makes him who he is: when I speak of writing, what comes first to my mind is not a novel, a poem, or literary tradition, it is a person who shuts himself up in a room, sits down at a table, and alone, turns inward; amid its shadows, he builds a new world with words. This man – or this woman – may use a typewriter, profit from the ease of a computer, or write with a pen on paper, as I have done for 30 years. As he writes, he can drink tea or coffee, or smoke cigarettes. From time to time he may rise from his table to look out through the window at the children playing in the street, and, if he is lucky, at trees and a view, or he can gaze out at a black wall. He can write poems, plays, or novels, as I do. All these differences come after the crucial task of sitting down at the table and patiently turning inwards. To write is to turn this inward gaze into words, to study the world into which that person passes when he retires into himself, and to do so with patience, obstinacy, and joy. As I sit at my table, for days, months, years, slowly adding new words to the empty page, I feel as if I am creating a new world, as if I am bringing into being that other person inside me, in the same way someone might build a bridge or a dome, stone by stone. The stones we writers use are words. As we hold them in our hands, sensing the ways in which each of them is connected to the others, looking at them sometimes from afar, sometimes almost caressing them with our fingers and the tips of our pens, weighing them, moving them around, year in and year out, patiently and hopefully, we create new worlds."

-- Orhan Pamuk

The final lap

2007-07-05T12:29:00.000+05:30

I wanted to be lost for that one final second when she turned away to look into an abyss of gloom and unsympathetic sadness. How unavailable I can get to my own senses. I was petrified! But why fear? But why fear? The base for all my incongruous contemplations thumping my heart down. The more I think about her, the harder my heart gets. Its that desire to see her again. If there is laughter in my head, there is anger too. If there is a smile on my face, there is that unwilling to fall down tear too. If there is so much happening in the world, why cant I return back to it? Why is it becoming so hard to express the inexpressible.

This was my first innings in Bangalore. That romance has faded now. What remained is that last sound of her memory bringing about a tad of inconspicuous happiness in my heart. And I long for that sequel where we fly together to nowhere. Its just the tones and tunes to match our words and dreams. There is no need to fear.

The second innings is great. Cold nights, long walks and quick fags with my best bro, best guy and the best singer. If I am in any way proud of my stay here in Bangalore, its because of his singing. Amidst these happenings, my work is a tiny dot of nothingness. Its just a drag of days with no direction. Lets see where it leads to.

Tharoor and Elton John

2007-06-13T23:39:00.000+05:30

A piece by Shashi Tharoor

Try to think of nothing.
That's the secret.

Try to think of nothing.
Do not think of work not done,
of promises unkept, calls to return,
or agendas you have failed to prepare for meetings
yet unheld.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of words said and unsaid,
of minor scandals and major investigations,
of humiliations endured, insults suffered,
or retorts that did not spring to mind
in time.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of your forgotten wife,
of lonely children and their reproachful demands,
or the smile of the pretty woman
whose handshake lingered just a shade too long
in your palm.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of newspaper headlines,
of the insistent transience of the InfoNet,
or the seductive stridency of the TV microphones
thrust so thrillingly
into your face.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of the waif on the foreign sidewalk,
her large eyes open in supplication,
her ragged shift stained by dirt and dust,
stretching her despairing hand toward you
in hope.

No, do not think
of the woman at the building site,
wobbling pan of stones on her head,
walking numb for the thousandth time
from pile to site and site to pile
as her neglected baby scrabbles in the dust,
eats sand and wails, unheard.

Think of nothing.
Do not think of the starving infant,
parched lips mute in hunger,
sitting slumped in the mud,
his eyes fading before his heart.
Do not think
of the stark ribs of skeletal cattle,
unable to provide milk, or hope,
in drought-dried lands of which you know nothing.

Think of nothing.
Do not think
of the dead-eyed refugee, dispossessed
of everything he once called home.
Do not think
of the unsmiling girl whose once-sturdy thigh
now ends at the knee, the rest blown off
by a thoughtless mine on her way to the well.

No, do not think
of the solitary tear, the broken limb,
the rubble-strewn home, the choking scream;
never think of piled-up bodies, blazing flames,
shattered lives, or sundered souls.
Do not think of the triumph of the torturer,
the wails of the hungry,
the screams of the mutilated,
or the indifferent smirk of the sleek.

Think of nothing.
Then you will be able
to sleep.

______________________________________

Elton John's "Sacrifice" - truly a classic one..

It's a human sign
When things go wrong
When the scent of her lingers
And temptation's strong

Into the boundary
Of each married man
Sweet deceit comes calling
And negativity lands

Cold cold heart
Hard done by you
Some things look better baby
Just passing through

And it's no sacrifice
Just a simple word
It's two hearts living
In two separate worlds
But it's no sacrifice
No sacrifice
It's no sacrifice at all

Mutual misunderstanding
After the fact
Sensitivity builds a prison
In the final act

We lose direction
No stone unturned
No tears to damn you
When jealousy burns

In the eyes of the angel..

2007-06-09T11:44:00.000+05:30

The last moment was brief. The last words were terse. The way I came out was the way I went in. Like earthworms taking comfort in the murky moors, I took comfort in staring at my shadow staggering like a drunkard with a broken spectacle. I was completely soaked in the water of disguised silence. My journey became clueless. My throat was all parched up and my ears turned mute to all my worries. My constant fear to face tomorrow was the only thing which kept me alive. A fear of not announcing myself. A fear of not allowing myself to experience the limits of my potential to logically break down the essence of life. A fear of not comprehending my responsibilities as a youth. A fear of not able to cry when I should.

My whole living memories took a different path when I met her. It highlighted my unusually skeptical mind to the outside contemporary world. The life I was living seemed extinct and the life I am living now is invigorating. The rain pouring down was like a sweetened potion. The mild breeze held our hands together with the leaves swaying about pompously, but remaining anonymous to the happenings.

Why have I chosen this path? I have spoken about all my known and uknown qualities, yet some nuances remain buried. Just when I was about to open my deeply hidden book, things came to an abrupt end. It was melted numb. The divine colors appeared black and white. The savoury meal turned sour. Everything was cut down to the ground. I could see the depressed look in her eyes, and she could see in mine. The entire world seemed stupid and unreal. Why should she leave? Did God not like what was going on? I questioned insolently, but came no answer.

Before I could bade goodbye, my other mundane life pulled me outside. To a life that is to be led in a good simple way, I freed myself from her. She dint turn back, but I could hear her crying from inside. The last moment was brief and my last words were terse. I will never forget her and the few adventurous days we spent together.

My heart always smiling. My heart full of love.

A pinch of color

2007-05-19T12:45:00.000+05:30

A series of incidents can turn you on or off..And what follows it will determine the depth of ones character. Will he shrug it off and move on, or hold it inside him and be a stone?

From the myriad of colors, I chose none
I defined my thoughts
and let my heart talk
to all the queries and inhibitions i hold

to the bed of the sea i swim
and let my doubts drown in the silence
i hold my hands and now i pray
but the dolphins beckon me to come their way

and in this body of blue dreams
i followed them...

they eased my struggle within
a struggle to match my heart and mind
my heart says dive into your thoughts
my mind says cave out to life

and i come up to the surface
to breathe the live air and feel the pain
and joy it is to live real
and joy it is to live in love..

They spoke

2007-04-14T01:39:00.000+05:30

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
Mahatma Gandhi

“"Let me light my lamp", says the star, "And never debate if it will help to remove the darkness”
Rabindranath Tagore

“From the solemn gloom of the temple children run out to sit in the dust, God watches them play and forgets the priest”
Rabindranath Tagore

A clown and a soldier he was

2007-04-06T00:45:00.000+05:30

Farthest from the land, where dust never settles
I saw a bird fettered and caged
Deep into the sea, where bullets cannot reach
I saw a fish with a broken fin

Up on the battlefront where fear crosses thirst
I saw a soldier without his armour
and for every second of his life
he wishes not to be that caged bird
he wishes not to be that fish with a broken fin
but yearns for his boots and bullets to be on
until the war is done and the enemy is gone
and for the days left
he hung his boots and worked as a clown
jumping, winking and making that funny frown

for every smile he brings
a little joy he spread
and a heartfelt tear he shed
wounds which have healed but the pain that still stings
a knife he has, to free the bird
but none he has to fix the broken fin

the soldiers, his mates, whose souls have risen
to the mountains where seasons are driven
whisper the hymn of life
he chose not to listen, for luck saved him

the truth he confessed pleased the priest
blesses him and says "God awaits you in heaven"

A Frame unpaved

2007-03-17T22:49:00.000+05:30

light, my desire
dark, my words

bury my pain
and remove this stain

flip a coin and carry the odds
luck not my way, my way is my lord

my lies, I blame
my mistakes, I claim

walk slower and breathe higher
stay firmer and live sober
lay a brick at every layer
unshackle your mind
and defend yourself as a supreme player

i confess, i belied
this delight, this myth
harder it is with my hands tied
but i say i shall never quit

Paragon of beauty

2007-02-01T14:16:00.000+05:30

Living on a single bowl of porridge a day and still managing to give a smile is the best wonder in this world..cheers

Paradise lost, Paradise gained

2007-01-25T20:13:00.000+05:30

gurgle of the seas drew a little child into the expanse
that he faltered hither and thither was mystifying
nevertheless, he found the key to the gates of freedom
and all that gloom crumbled down and vanished

toying with his pup, he led himself through the gates
ornamented with rose petals and guarded by the godly angels
he snapped and they started crooning
but the notes picked their way out into the sea

the gigantic nimbuses above started to rain
earthworms rejoicing and turtles nodding to its glory
the lone kid felt happy watching his pup burrowing
until tiny bubbles surfaced to his astonishment

the droplets could not puncture the bubbles
which further elevated his curiosity
they seemed to follow a pattern, moving away from shores
Oh! this magical show, Oh! this magical show

unweaving this wizardry he wanted to follow the bubbles
"Dont you want to stay here with people" retorted the angel
the pub meanwhile is busy burrowing the crust
"the gates will forever be bolted, make your choice"

all that music, all that sound came back rushing
the angel said "they had to satisfy all the boughs in the woods"
for they spent relentless nights defying the wild storm
for they pined for the lullaby

driven by this empathy, driven by this truth
the kid chose to retreat back to the land
"the bubbles will come back to you later son"
"and this magical show will again be played"

2007-01-21T14:51:00.000+05:30

'Out to sea. Out to sea, and in the weightlessness of the deep where dreams come true, two souls unite to fulfill a single wish. Your gaze and mine, over and over like an echo, repeating silently: "Deeper, and deeper," beyond everything that is flesh and blood. But I always awaken and I always wish for death, my lips forever entangled in your hair'

-- Ramón Sampedro (The Sea Inside - 2004)

Indian duet

2007-01-15T20:17:00.000+05:30

Democracy in its true literal sense, comes as a saviour to all our worries. Our post-Independence era was marked with sly political pathos by political babus, who in their own way interpreted this society as being their bait. We have seen them on the rostrum making phony promises and driving people to chant their slogans. Over the years, this line of indifference has become thinner and thinner. Our apathetic minds has evolved into a more lively form. This clearly doesn't nudge away the true leaders who have shaped our economy and brought hope to the people. Their active resistance towards events like communal conflicts, among the many, which have warned to destabilize the country, has shown a way of living to the masses.

On the contrary, we can never overshadow the strife put up by our forefathers in democratizing this nation. Some presume that we were destined to live this way. Some perceive that their valiant act to liberate us from the British was just another gig.

We are lucky enough not to see the harsh realities of totalitarianism. To this day, there are countries like Burma and most of the central African soils where militant outfits recruit male children to carry out their tasks and female children as sex slaves. Their insane involvement in debauchery has led to the spread of HIV in these countires. Than Shwe, dictator of Burma, for instance has "Executed 2,000 soldiers for failing to execute child laborers properly". Such is the chaos in that country, where passing by a generals house would mean to be shot. Subdued life. Suicide bombings, arson and various other acts of terror is just coming up in the name of religion. Every religion which preaches its followers to be united for all cause is now viewed to endorse clash of opinions which is threatening enough to wage war across frontiers. The very nature of sanctity is being dragged down to mud.

We are lucky enough to be insulated from all these vile juggernauts. Reality always goes in parallel with the gaudy cocktail parties at big mansions. True and its true. We are seasoned to think that its the rich who are supposed to bring value to the society. The poor are just admitting their status and are the victims of high-class people's wayward liberal actions. Its the masses who have their hands set right on the trigger, but conservative thinking is hindering them from pulling it.

A whole lot of projections regarding the status of our developing Economy are being made with respect to other developing countries. While the superpowers may term ours as a 'fledgling economy', I see our economy as far more sophisticated than it appears to be. I see our economy as treading in the way of opportunities only if we shun blind faith and welcome liberal thoughts beneficial to man and mankind.

Heartily Greetings

2007-01-05T19:40:00.000+05:30

A friend of mine said "Everyday is the last day of the year". I couldn't take this off my mind. Partly because of its aphoristic nature and partly because of my beliefs.

Welcome 2007..

A very Happy New Year to Daffodils, Joy, Responsibility, God, Atheists, Orphaned kids and my Dear friends

I could say that my views of this world has become more channeled. Questions like 'Who is gonna bear the brunt for these consequences', 'What goes with this', 'Will you step back' are making its way to be more vivid in my mind. Music was what I enjoyed the most. The more I listen to the tracks, the more am I drawn towards its inner circle of joy it renders.

I was nothing but juggling with the coloured balls I picked out of the box called 'Life'. Those balls had to eventually go back to the box and I had to pick a new random set for this year. Enthralling but tricky..

Some of my thoughts which found its way to the paper..

The knot could not be untied, the story could not be told
The colours of sorrow swept across unseen
But I still remember this joy that day
when the clouds shooed the doubts away
and the rain swallowed empty and incomplete verses
Santa was happy as ever
Books were as holy as God
and God as the Godfather

But the candles recited the last symphony
with verses that were complete but hollow

Questions to answers, answers to reasoning
Dancing like a damsel seducing
Oh I feel I lost my place
Never have I seen this long chase

Mint, as in I smell
Merry Merry, Love where I dwell
Toxic, but not piercing
Happening, but never concluding

Never to forget, never to die
this unending love through fall, through spring
Hanging gardens of faith never lie
I felt it, numb as smiling

The knot was untied and the story was narrated
And the candles waved goodbye

Beyond and across

2006-08-27T14:06:00.000+05:30

I have two answers to every question put forth..Yes and No

I have two ways to follow when am alone..
a bright smile for everything
or a dark cry for nothing

I have two words to confess when I am wrong..I'm lucky

When sound is all I hear, I dream
When people are all I see, I smile
When time is all I have, I wait

And when its all over, I pray
For I found my way
For it was done in a day
For its the humming sound I hear
from the distant stars many many light years away

Gripped in this box of fear I answered the call
I had no qualms
With little malice, with little logic
I was right in all sense
I cannot lean against this wall
It is toxic
I answered the call

You hide, you never take shelter under the shadow of god
You break open, you can see your shadow in the dark

I have two words to confess when I am wrong..I'm lucky

I chose not to discover

2006-07-26T22:50:00.000+05:30

I am nothing outside
I am everything inside

I chose not to discover
I chose it to be subjective
I chose it to be sublime divinity
I chose it to be soundless

Motionless, I wish
this planet with greater pain than joy

Surreal thoughts in a bubble of togetherness punctured
I cried, I looked back, but found myself staring at ominous silence
I saw people cry, but they never had a chance to look back

I know no religion
I know no traditions
I know no culture
These are but elements breeding on humanity
These are seeds of fundamentalism
These are seeds of uncommunicative, unheard voices

With every tinge of fear this world faces
I pray to God
to instill confidence in me
to plant seeds of faith in me
to shower humanity in me

I live not to die alone
I live to die for someone dying beside me

I walk beside people
I walk under the sky

I chose not to discover
I choose to remain silent

I am nothing outside
I am everything inside

A tale of heart and mind

2006-06-26T16:11:00.000+05:30

Of what interest can it be
when I have eyes but cannot see

I want to run like the wind
I may perspire
I may become weak
My sight may converge to the end

Of seas, mountains & flowers
Of eyes, smile & pain
Of love, illness & music
a veritable challenge in hand

People confide
This they live
under the czars
under the blanket of countless stars

Time, a compiler of thoughts
thoughts diffused in serenity
of which birds cannot comprehend
neither we breathing sapiens

Its the shadows that dont cry
Its the shadows that dont bleed

Engulfed in this storm of life
we are conditioned to live
to notice but not observe
to show mercy but not help
to mock at but not step up

Mundane lives, talking cliches

We are guardians of future
future taking birth every second
and becoming extinct the very next second

All we hear
beeps that transcends continents
continents made of swords
continents chaining love
and term it a pity slave

God, a great tester
we make a mockery of him
he gives time

we are good, he says
we are bad, we say

Of what interest can it be
when I have eyes but cannot see

Drenched in the duality of life....

2006-06-19T22:17:00.000+05:30

Back when I was a tiny tot uttering strange words and trying to join pieces of pictures to figure out what was going around me till now when I am still trying to join those missed out pieces, I listened and have been listening to it all. Discerned in totality, never did I speak up. Its like I have been typing down words, erasing it and again typing it. Interlocked mind never even bothering what I scribbled down before. Erased and its gone. There is no balm to alleviate this. But this irrevocable nostalgic feeling smeared all over me still persists. My mind is deluged with this feeling. Things that were strange are now musical to me. Things that were musical are now strange to me.

Soft and sharp, they never fade away. Every moment being crystalised in my mind.

I always believed and I still believe truth always juts out as and when we grow older. It sings along with us. It propagates with life. It commands attention. It sits beside you but looks beyond future. It inhales the aura we emanate and exhales truth. Phase by phase. Step by step. Note by note. Never leaps..takes small paces but is swift and agile.

From Einstein who believed in miracles to J Krishnamurthy who was a firm believer in simple pleasures of life, truth spoke. A revelation never understood by me. The truth which always freezed me under the sun. Bite your nails, gnash your teeth, lift a trophy, ignore the ignorant, hold a pen, listen to music, buy a pair of trousers...truth always speaks..

You start thinking about the metaphysical parts of life. Curiosity..curiosity..Its truth again. What is in there and what is out here is one and the same. Reflection of perfection. Everything in life is mirrored. Principle of duality always wins. North and South..there is no difference..Civilizations bred..thoughts spread..it sprawled to a certain distance and then there is South. Civilization and thoughts..Its truth again. Never asks but always gives. Never shouts but always meditates upon we miser beings. We are always good but its the truth which is speaking. We really are misers shouting.

'It' says it best when 'it' says nothing at all...

'We' say it best when 'we' say nothing at all...Duality of life..we deal and truth deals..Its always duality.

Chase-tised and Kiln-ed...

2006-06-10T17:39:00.000+05:30

How complex can things get?...

I mean..I can sit back at ease and always be a candy-go-guy with none threatening to bring down the multi-storeyed dreams I keep building. I can always don a charming hat and go merry-merry everywhere smoking Italian cigars. I can always laugh at the way the system is going on in our country. I can make a polemic remark against the system and be highlighted in the newspapers..Now...I wont die of illness or any accident. Instead, I will rise to fame in a few months and then be shot or slained at my place. Huh..Chastised and killed. A plain simple story.

My big bro says 'Only when you see such things happening, will you start to carve out the essentials for living life in a better way..'

He always says 'better way'..because he always believes you can never live the 'best way'..

He says 'Think of things which you dont wanna do'..
I say 'Why do you always get to that point..and its strange'

He says 'Strange words directs you so that you can steer your vehicle of life towards the right destination'

Can I relate this to whats happening right now..Its raining out here..Every drop descending down doesnt even know that I am sittin here and watching him. I tend to relate every thing to a person. It always gives me the feel that I am not alone who is facing all what is happening around me.

When you dream, you never know what is going around you. Every breath counts. Moments trigger moments. Big things become miniscule. Slow objects go at mach speeds. Assumptions are made. Decisions turn to rage. There is laughter and yelling talking at the same time.The sun never stops glowing. Hunger is reigning. Reasons become money and time becomes greed. Acts of felony goes unnoticed.

But everything is straight..There is gravity. Shadows remain shadows. Electrons are running through the wires. No issues..No actions..Its all strange..But strange things always guides you..Its all relative..

I soon realised 'better way' is always best than 'the best way'..because there is the word 'best' in between which till take care of the rest..

Every time..

2006-04-22T18:19:00.000+05:30

My big bro, the timely 'time', always said 'Your worst adversary is always your best company'
How on earth could that be possible..seriously how on "earth"..
He retorts 'Dont you look at me now!!'..
Oh! that was pretty close..and also appealing..appealing only because he is always right..Well he is the only 'person' I ever knew speaking right things at the right time..

Exams are nearing and as always its the season of marriages..season of surprises..As it used to be and will always be, I have to fall in love with books..emotions of faith creep up..very soon I find myself marrying books..i totally see where this relationship is going..it gets cranky..overpriced..priceless!!

And then again..
I finally have to walk down the aisle holding the pen insulating the 'ink of attained knowledge' and let her drain it down articulately on the paper. They become the happiest couple. Nothing beats the pen, paper and their baby ink...My knowledge..their pleasure..But I am ultimately crowned the King of Torts!!

They really expect me to respect..I find myself enmeshed..I untangle myself and try to get out of it..
Oh Oh..My big bro swoops in..
'Dude..whats the matter with you..every moment of your life is beautiful..dont ruin it'
Ohhh..cliches dont work for me..they really dont..
I shoot back 'ohh..'I am just a kid..I dont understand what you say'
'Ohkk..you run a mile..a gift awaits..you run an extra mile..another gift awaits..this is how it works..'
'All you got to do is to run along that "running mile"'..

This is wonderful..Honestly..time and tide waits for everyone..tireless stalkers of noble knowledge..nothing beats them too..turning mud to gold..believable..but the transition from knowledge to wisdom is tricky and adventurous

I dont grasp in all of it..but surely think of grasping it..
silence please..
craa..craaaaaaaaaaaack..crrrr..trrrrr..dim___'May I come in?'
"Sure"
"Thanks..How many miles do I have to run to grab all the gifts?"
My big bro says.."Until you realise you have taken the road less travelled by.."
Wings of mind..Ventures of mind..

Strange but true..

2006-03-31T22:09:00.000+05:30

There I am, standing and breathing. Everything around me is calm composed. Everything beyond me unknown.

Nothing is as fascinating as this. One look at the infinite space above..Clouds, stars and the moon. I take a few paces towards my right. One look at the infinite space above..I still see the clouds, stars and the moon.

This only reminds me of other people who are also residing under this blanket of countless stars. People who dont know if democray or dictatorship is ruling their country. People who just migrate from one place to another to escape the wars.

I always try to scale the depth of silence when in sleep.Everything just shuts down. Everything just diminishes into one single dark spot. There is nothing to illuminate this dark spot. You are just dropped there spiralling away into the cone of darkness. Down here, I feel nothing but gravity. I see nothing but rains filling the seas. I hear nothing but the wind talking to the trees. Sound of silence. Not practical. Not strange. But beautiful.

What I really saw was this. I saw a pastor sprinkling holy water on the divine-seekers. I saw a child weeping helplessly on the street. I saw fishermen risking their lives at the seas just to live. The world is infinite to a bum on the street. He doesn't curse the fat-cats, instead pities on them for not having realised that world is infact finite to them. I saw an exhausted Arab speaking to his camel. He says "If there is one place no one knows you, its the desert".

The moment I wake up, everything around me is still the same. And everything beyond me is still unknown. Nothing has changed. Just washed away filth of my dress. And there I am, standing and breathing. All I realize is that Dreams are dreamt. They are like candles which gives out light, but also melts down. Melts only to be lit again...
Strange but true..

I still remain a slave

2006-01-25T00:50:00.000+05:30

Its been a long time since I penned down something. Days are going by. My big brother, the timely 'time' has been keeping an eye on me all the time. All he does is keep running after 'nothing'. And all I hear from him is the low tone ticks, ticks n ticks...and constant alarms peircing straight through my head beckoning me to come and have a look at its charming legs walking royally oblivious to the happenings in the world. Everybody tries to be in harmony with him, follow him like a tireless stalker. The fact that the rotation and revolution of Earth around the Sun is coherent with time and space remains the same. We obey him. Calendar gets flipped over regularly. The pages of books are turning yellow. My feet doing a lot of walking, trampling down tiny ants..Untouched..Unnoticed..Things are done hastily..Connected to the mechanical world like a baby connected to a mother through the umbilical cord.

In a moment, seconds of evanescent incidents are stamped as history. Many unnoticed. Untouched. They are saying something. I reckon they are yelling out saying 'Ohh..dont do that'. But in another unnoticed, untouched second they are again yelling out at me saying 'Ohhkk..carry on..but this is your last time..'The 'they' am talking about are my senses. They are waffling about the whims and caprices and enticing me. I as an able-bodied-slave ought to fulfill him. I suddenly hear my big brother, the timely 'time', mocking at me and saying

'You are a mad man..'

I say 'No I'm not!'

He says 'Tell me one good earthly-human reason'

I'm pondering over it...Still pondering..No..I dont get a earthly-human reason to convince him.

He says 'You are a slave to your senses. They are making you do all they want'
Meditating upon it, I come to know that every quality of mine and every action of mine is a result of me being a subordinate to my king. My senses. I'm a victim of its politics. An intricate politics. I'm just an owner of my 'chassis', the physical body.

He says 'Why dont you fight them'. It sounded really interesting.."Fight them". So yet another venture..

"Trying to keep my senses under control..Trying being a master, king of my own senses".

Before I get tooo philosophical I better descend down to earth. My wings are tired.

P.S Tried to bring a convoluted insight into the politics of mind..

Pain in the heart...

2005-11-12T19:33:00.000+05:30

Continuing with Manish's lines...

She ran her hands over his face, his hair, tears streaming down her face all the while...

The beautiful alpenglow is covered by thick dark clouds marching in the sky. The roar of thunder is frightening the little critters. In another second, their soggy togs clung to the skin. The tiny droplets found their way to the scalp.
Her tears got washed away. He sees a cloud of sadness everywhere. It is hard to him, to her and to them.
Heavy breeze is slapping their faces. Trees dancing with rustle of the leaves adds to this.
"I can see your shadow in the dark,your face twinkling like a star." he said.
"I am lulled to sleep when the sweet songs emanating from your vocal cord reaches my ear drum..."
"I can see the ever lasting universe in your eyes..."
she said. "Hold my hands and never leave me...promise me..."
Pups at the sight of their mother,soaked and limping in pain, run and start sagging its udders. Squirrels are joyously playing with their mates. Birds twittering...frogs croaking...crickets chirping...
The civil war in the country is leaving people at dismay...
"I am yours ...yours for eternity...but I have to leave..my nation is calling me."
"The harrowing plight of poor people battered to death is urging me to go...."
When hate and betrayel is reigning the world on one side, his love is sobbing in his arms on the other side.. But he made up his mind. He has to leave her. Leave her to fight for peace. Time is running by..People are dying..
He says "Darling..this air smells of blood of poor innocent people..it needs to be washed away to be filled with peace.. "
"I am leaving today..hoping for the betterment of man and mankind.."
"I will miss seeing your pretty face..golden smile..trust me I will be there beside you forever..."
A Kiss and "I Love You..goodbyee....."

My soul

2005-11-09T01:59:00.000+05:30

20 honest things about me.....something goes wrong dhruv has it...

1. Shy, a "great" introvert but a careful observer...things jus cant go out of my way

2. Fickle minded..do things which r in accord with my pensive mood....

3. My identity: a mix of being comical, foolish, somber, deceptive...these conceal my penultimate qualitites which am carving secretly all the time..

4. Very meticulous in sharing my emotions..I will always keep my mouth n eyes closed n get lost into my own world of mystery..coz i believe there is always someone who can read ur lips n catch ur eyes...i want to keep some secrets even from god! (soundin weird a?)

5. My favourite dish is vangi bath(tamil word..)..assorted aubergine rice...

6. I always give least importance to my apparel..thts the way it is....

7. My dream girl is one who has dark black eyes, long hairs, sings well, has a sweet heart and always calls me by my name

7. Possessive about my things and selfish at times..but never envious about others..

8. I never tell things which can hurt nyone, not even little n silly things.....the thought of losing a friend always haunts me.. so i swallow my temper all the time

9. I love soft lilting music..westlife, blues to name some..I become so engrossed in it that it drives away my appetite..

10. Unplanned most of the times n weak in makin gud n prolific decisions..tryin to improve over it...

11. I demote myself from being a social animal to a lazy social creature...

12 Sleeping the best profession.......mastered the art of keepin my eyes wide in class n sleeping..

13. Lazy most of the time..

14. Love playing TT, football n basketball..

15. Like to be silent n solitary all the time ....but always jumping from within..

16. Currently reading 'A Walk to Remember'....movie which melted my heart to the ground..

17. I love listening to old people telling their experiences abt their days..

18. I hate travelling n horoscopes.....

19. Wanted to be in the defence forces...but turned out to be different....

20. Hunger is the greatest pain one can ever bear..cannot believe that over 6 million people die of starvation....it wil be the first one on my list to eradicate....

manish, teja, rams...ur tagged!!

School days..

2005-11-07T21:55:00.000+05:30

Ever since I finished schooling, my delirious state of mind was even more delirious because I was exposed to making new decisions. Not to mention the melancholy that surmounted me as I left behind the best days of my life. I replenish my Heart's tributary of emotion with these bygone days to reflect back and eventually let them flow back into the river of eternal memories. Of the 8 years I spent at school, I have grown to choose my intimate friends and develop a good relationship with my teachers.

The first 4 or 5 years were fun and frolic type. In general everyone will be oblivious to what exactly is happening round him in his childhood. We just mingle with everyone in no time. Somedays were in my favour and some not--When everybody does the homework n I am the only one left out in class...n on the top if I am to face a stern teacher my day ends!. Some cheerful and some sorrowful. Sometimes I become a subject of mockery and sometimes I rule my thoughts -- Reminiscing upon this, I was once told to prove the similarity of triangles on the black board. It went very well. All of a sudden everyone in the class burst out into laughter. I even remember our math sir also laughing loud. I took a few paces back from the board and came to know that I was very very bad in drawing the triangles. They were long enough to fit the board!! Added to this, I also started laughing like hell.

Somedays were dull but most of the times comical--when rain god casts his spell, the games period is cancelled..gosh it sucks!!. Sometimes I am in peril(owing to my bad demeanor), n sometimes lucky. These mix of days were pivotal in moulding myself in one way or other. The crests n troughs are common. Infact one develops that ability to manage things in school when something goes wrong. Then again the teachers who played a special part. There was Mr. Bosco who was our NCC head as well as our english teacher. He was my source of inspiration. I can never forget Ms damayanthi..coz she is the only teacher who keeps an eye on girls all the time(we boys arent blind though!). She believes girls are more naughty than we boys. Can imagine the length of fun we used to have in that class!! Mr Abhraham whose famous lines "why do u'll howl like junglies" still echoes in my mind.

2 yrs in ncc gave me a lot. It gave me proper momentum to make a strong decision to join the armed forces. A challenge recognised correctly but worked upon weakly is the only reason I could throw up for not making it come true. Nevertheless, I kept moving. But its not a speck in an ocean which gets washed away in due time. That challenge is again an inspiration to take up the coming challenges.

I wish I could again go back in time and sit in the class listening to Mr Bosco explaining the English poems. But I am afraid the joy will also be gone.

The Notebook

2005-10-23T22:09:00.001+05:30

Saw 'The Notebook' the other day. A good movie in all which throws to you another definition of LOVE. There was this handsome young man who fell in love with a ravishing young lady. The movies goes through with fine display of emotional love running between them. This lady is from an opulent background and the boy from a mediocre family. This forms the demarcation between them laid down by her parents. For reasons predictable the pair get separated despite the lady being defiant to her parents decision. Both had faith in their relationship. Both had the urge to be together. He penned down 365 letters a year in a hope to be together again, but in vain. Her parents kept her away from the letters. Emotions buried deep into their hearts. The second half cycles through interesting phases with the man standing on his own feet, building a magnificient house. The lady now falls in love with another person who is affluent and thus captures her parents wishes. They get engaged and when the lady gets to know about this person, her eyes reflected the buried emotions.
The melodramatic dialogues follow. She expresses what its like being with her first love and the person to whom she is engaged. With thoughts running away, she listens to her heart and goes back to her love.

This entire story is capsuled in a book being narrated by an old man(the boy) to his love(who is suffering from memory loss) in an attempt to get back her to life.
The one thing which moved my heart is the man's intense revelation of love to his love.
For me Love means nothing but inspiration. You being an inspiration to her, and she being an inspiration to you. I feel there should be no compromises, no sacrifices and not saying sorry. It should turn out to be strong and meaningful. So our inner beauty adds values to our life. Our daily life should be supplemented with the addition of virtuous qualities to our inner self. Love is a virtue which we are yet to understand.

A little peice which I love...few lines from 'Only Hope' by Switchfoot.

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

A close one...

2005-10-22T01:20:00.000+05:30

Mid-August y2k. I was in my early 10th; my final year in school. Life seemed akin to a merry-go-round where you stumble upon a point again and again. The point which you disagree upon, which is subtle and unclear. These odds and evens are to be balanced, which provides a path which is not disturbing. Many incidents touches our lives which in one way or other is blurred as I said.

Though my knack in playing basket-ball was minimal when compared to other tall bunch of guys in skool, I did manage to toss the ball into the basket at times. Eyes aimed at right angle part of the shooting square with right balance on foot is what I learned at skool. This proved to be handy. I put my hand to the plow in learning the game. I put it to practice at a basket-ball court near my place. Me and my friends set out to play almost daily after skool. At times it was a solitary play for me. The place I lived was a complete military area. So there were jawans accompanying me in the play as a part of their custom practice. Their physical endurance, tough discipline, courageous built and devotion to duty draws a deep veneration for them.

I chanced upon a jawan who later became a close friend of mine. I was trying for a 3 pointer which I couldn't get it right. His instructions were all that I followed. Dribbling, rebound shots, 2:3 pointers, zero angle shots, reverse throws and many more. He was a perfect 10/10 in it. It had become a daily task for me to come and learn from him. I can go ahead and term him as divine intervention. I came to know that he was a JCO and was posted there recently. He was from Kerala.

I was happy with his company, his talks and his play. Days went by. It was raining one day. I was soaked to the bone. But this couldn't keep me or him away from the game. The earthly aroma rising up into the air filled around. We played for more than 2 hrs. Shortly, I came to know that he has to move. That was a sad moment for me. At one shot you really feel alone when something that makes you comfortable leaves you... I try to puff in more oxygen to make it my way. A way which became blurred. A week later, I caught sight of him. All he could say was that he was posted in Madras. A simple grin was all I could give back. I now feel how heavy was that moment for me.

You cannot roll back the hands of clock and again experience the thrill..It doesn't fit in..Days gone which I cherish. I hope to chance upon him one day...

To Kill the Mocking exams!

2005-10-14T12:54:00.000+05:30

I really need to step over my mind to think about the approaching exams. I sit with my chin propped on my hands but soon realise that am sitting on a boiling pot of exams. I have only one book to excel....
"5 exams in a Nutshell" a Primer and an Advanced learners edition. The pre-requisites are--One should know what the 5 xams are, what these exams deal with and to shield yourself when you dont understand anything.
To me the exam hall is the largest battlefield. The questions are the sharpest archers and their aim can never be let down. I better zero in on the books before I get badly hurt.
So will take a gap for a week fighting the war and get back with tearful..oh! sorry cheerful eyes.

I dont like wat?

2005-10-12T13:20:00.000+05:30

I need to flap my wings of mind faster to attain a certain degree of idiosyncrasy. This point helps me out in thinking better before I descend down n finally doze offf.

I dont drink..I dont smoke..I abstain from these things. Pretty gud huh(-: Electricity is cut, I dont like to get off the bed though am perspiring. I dont like to wash my clothes. Got inspired after watching the magnum opus 'Satte pe Satta'.
Silberschatz--Galvin--Gagne---> Operating system concepts..I dont like to flip over the first page to view the contents inside. It kills me.
Screen diva Rekha turns 51..I dont like reading such crap news..
India successfully test fired Trishul..Missiles? not 4 me..instead am good in making paper rockets!
Microsoft's fourth quarter net profits is put up on net..Its foreseeable. Some 6-7 digits with million dollars suffixed(m$) to it..Nothin new.
Had a hearty meal..wanna go to bed..Some one buzzes on messenger and spills the bad news. A class has been scheduled now..I dont like this.
My system is getting clogged with many processes eating its memory. I dont like this..
Net got disconnected. I really hate this..
I would love to run away from this mechanical world. But cant help it out..I forget everything n go to sleep..
Am now in a new world..am floating on the ocean bed with diving costumes n scuba tanks all set right. Strange..its cool in here...My pc lies in front of me. An ideal world.
Waterband is better than broadband. Nothin to worry abt for another 6 hrs until I wake up n get back to normalcy..
May be I like this..